To increase your chances of getting what you want, try starting the task off for them. People are more likely to be compliant if they’ve seen you’ve already put in a little bit of work. Let’s say your partner says, “Thanks for making dinner, honey. It was great. " You reply with, “You’re welcome. I’ve just started the dishes – can you finish?”
Let’s say you’re having trouble getting time off approved by your boss. Work has just been swamped lately. You hear him mention how he wishes the company could be represented at a series of conventions over the course of the summer. You chime in with the fact that you’d love to make the trip and would take on a few of the expenses yourself. This way, he’s getting something, and so are you.
Say your son or daughter is raising money for some school function. You’ve promised you would get some funds from your colleagues. A few hours before you approach Marie with your proposal, you drop off some of your daughter’s homemade cookies at her desk. After that, you’re a shoo-in.
Economic. Let the person know that they may lose out on a great money-making opportunity, or that they could gain money by complying with your wishes. Moral. Let the person know that by helping you out, they’ll somehow be bettering the world around them. If they think they’re a good person, how could they not? Social. Let them know that “everyone else is doing it, too. " It’s doubly effective if you can name off a few of their friends.
Let’s use the same example: you want to get some money from your coworkers for your daughter’s fundraiser, but you don’t want to outright ask. Instead, you start a conversation about charity and how great it is to help people. You mention that you gave part of your tax return to your favorite one last year. Then, you slip in how your daughter is working a fundraiser right now. If done right, your colleagues may even offer.
This idea has been well-researched. In fact, there was a recent study in which a group of businessmen was presented with a proposal for an IT project. Twice as many of the men approved the proposal if the company was predicted to lose $500,000 if the proposal wasn’t accepted, compared with a scenario that predicted the project would lead to a profit of $500,000. ”
The more you know your audience, the better off you’ll be. Let’s say you’re back to helping out your daughter with her fundraiser. You know that your friend Nguyen donated to Henry’s son’s fundraiser in the spring. Won’t he donate to your daughter’s, too, perhaps?
Tell whomever you’re talking to you that a ton of people are already doing it – including people they know, like, and respect. That’s the kicker – if they respect the people doing it, they’ll be less likely to question their judgment.
Instead, imagine someone trying to persuade you to do something saying, “We all need this product to be better looking. If everyone used this product, we would all be succeeding in life and everyone would love us. " It sounds less personal and a little magical, doesn’t it?
Say you just really want to go out to dinner and movie with your boyfriend or girlfriend, but they’re always busy. You start out by asking and asking about taking a vacation, a whole weekend off. After a series of no’s, you say, “. . . then how about just a dinner and a movie?” They’ll see you “backed down” (or so they think!) and be more likely to cave.
Say you’re trying to convince someone that Pepsi is better than Coke. Saying, “It tastes so good and the can is beautiful!” is all well and good, but imagine if you said, “Sure, Coke has more drinkers, but it’s in more countries – that doesn’t make it better, that makes it more widespread. " Which is more logical and convincing?
Ethos. This is credibility. For example, Hanes uses Michael Jordan. If Hanes are good enough for MJ, they’re good enough for you. Pathos. Pathos is all about emotions. Do you know those commercials full of images of sad puppies and kittens? That’s to pull at your heartstrings so you wind up adopting one. Logos. This is about logic and reason. If you invest $500 now, you’ll have $1000 later, for example.
Get them talking about something they really enjoy, too. On top of this topic making them happy, if you seem interested in the same topic, you’ll be that much more relate-able as well.
Keep talking in the affirmative. Talk about things they love, topics you agree on, and everything that has them saying “yes” and never saying “no. " Then, when you bust out the golden question, they won’t want to break the pattern they’ve established.
Just be sure not to be too annoying. Asking and asking and asking can make some people rather infuriated. Space out how often you ask to not seem obnoxious or relentless. It’s good to be assertive, but try not to come off aggressively. Assertiveness is rooted in respect, while aggression is rooted in fear and anger. [5] X Expert Source Guy ReichardExecutive Life Coach Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.
This is true for whether it’s your children, your employees, or your friends. You put out into the environment what you’ll get back. To get people to behave how you want, expect it. In most cases, they’ll want to make you happy and avoid conflict.
Say you’re managing a team and you give them a 3-week deadline when really the project has to be due in 3 months. In 3 weeks, you give them 2-week extension for their “great work. " They thank you and feel super relieved &ndash, and they might even meet your 5-week goal!
If your listeners don’t agree, speak quickly. Speak slowly if they do. [7] X Research source Research shows that if they don’t agree, speaking quickly doesn’t give them time to formulate counterarguments. If they do agree, speak slowly, so they can take in every word, becoming more persuaded. Make sure your body language and eye contact are consistent with your words. If your voice sounds enthusiast and full of life but your body is hanging there like a limp noodle, your audience will not be convinced. Confidence is verbal, yes, but it’s incredibly physical, too.
