Clubs are a great option because they provide a structured environment for you to interact in and can expose you to people with whom you already have something in common. [1] X Expert Source Ashley Pritchard, MASchool Counselor Expert Interview. 4 November 2019. Depending on your interests, you might join a service-oriented club, a language club, a gaming club, or a literary magazine, for instance. Join an academic or athletic team. [2] X Expert Source Ashley Pritchard, MASchool Counselor Expert Interview. 4 November 2019. Being on a team provides built-in camaraderie and plenty of chances to hang out with the other people on the team. [3] X Research source If you’re athletic, you can join a team sport like soccer, lacrosse, or cross-country. If you’re more academic, you might join Model UN, Scholars’ Club, or debate team. You can also sign up for electives like band, yearbook, theater, and the school paper—these are all great ways to meet people who share some of the same interests as you. [4] X Research source
Cheer on the home team at a football or basketball game, show off your moves at a school dance, or grab tickets to the theater club’s latest play. The more active you can be, the more chances you’ll have to interact with people and make new friends.
Volunteering can be a great way to meet people from different backgrounds and age groups. Look for local volunteering clubs on campus, or check out different volunteer organizations in your town. If you have a hard time talking to people, try getting an after-school job where you’ll work with the public—the practice talking to customers can help you be more comfortable making friends at school. For an added bonus, try applying for jobs at places where teens usually hang out, like your local pizza place or movie theater.
For example, you might share memes or offbeat jokes that show your unique sense of humor. If you have a certain talent, don’t be afraid to show that off! If you’re really into art, for instance, you might post photos of your finished works. If you’re a musician, you might share videos of your latest song.
If you don’t seem to be vibing after a few minutes, it’s not a big deal—just say something like, “I’ve gotta get going but maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good one!”
If you look preoccupied or frustrated, people will be less likely to approach you. It’s okay if you have a bad day once in a while—you don’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. However, as a general rule, try to focus on coming across as friendly.
If you’re struggling with feeling insecure, slip into the bathroom or a private spot and adopt a confident stance. For example, stand with your feet shoulder-width apart and put your hands on your hips with your chest out and your head up. Even just pretending you’re confident can help you actually feel that way![10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Practice challenging that voice in your head that makes you doubt yourself. For instance, if you catch yourself thinking, “I’m so awkward,” replace that thought with something like, “I have a totally unique style and I love that about myself. " If you get nervous when you’re talking to someone else, remind yourself that they’re probably feeling a little nervous too. That can help you feel more relaxed around them.
Small talk can be as simple as saying, “Hey, how’s your day going?” to the person next to you.
If you don’t know how to start a conversation with someone, begin with a question like, “What are you doing for winter break?” or “Who are you taking for biology?” Be sure to ask follow-up questions to show the person you’re really interested in what they’re saying. For instance, if someone mentions something about their dog, you might ask what kind of dog it is, what its name is, and whether they have any pictures. [13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
If the person seems especially passionate about something, ask them more questions about it to keep the conversation going. When the conversation starts to trail off, let it end naturally. Say something like, “Awesome, I hope you have fun on your trip. You can tell me all about it next week!”
For example, if somebody says they love basketball, don’t act like you’re a huge fan when you’re really not. You can ask questions like “Who’s your favorite team?” to show the other person you’re interested without being dishonest. Do be open to learning about what other people like, even if you don’t know much about it—they might share something that helps you see it in a new light! For example, if your friend invites you to a basketball game, you might tag along and discover you actually find it pretty exciting!
Avoid making comments about a person’s body or how attractive they are—that can make them feel uncomfortable.
A good way to make sure you don’t overshare is to spend more time talking about the other person than you do about yourself. When you start getting closer with someone, sharing your secrets can help deepen your friendship. Just wait until they show you they can trust you—like telling them something small at first to see how they react, or waiting until they start sharing their secrets with you.
If you’re nervous about spending time with a new friend, invite them to do an activity with you, like going to the movies, playing video games, or watch a sports game. That will take some of the pressure off of you to carry a conversation the whole time. If they say yes, smile, say something positive, and move on. If they say no, react calmly—maybe just shrug and say, “Okay, maybe next time. " Don’t get mad or act too disappointed.
If one of your new friends hears you putting down someone else, it might make them worry that you’ll talk bad about them when they’re not around, too.
After you spend time with someone, ask yourself questions like, “Did I enjoy myself today?” and “Did I feel included?” If the answers are no, it’s okay to still be friendly, but focus your energy on making different friends.
Don’t beat yourself up. If you’re having a hard time making friends or if it’s taking longer than you’d like, don’t get down on yourself. People are attracted to others who are confident and at ease with themselves (or at least appear to be), so stay upbeat and remind yourself of all the great qualities you have to offer.
