For instance, if you’re emotionally dependent on the person you’re dating, you might have an underlying fear of feeling unlovable.
Don’t distract yourself by checking your phone or tidying your room when you do this exercise. Devote all your attention to introspection, even if it’s uncomfortable.
If you don’t have a strong sense of identity, step out of your comfort zone and explore some new things by yourself. See which activities, people, and ideas resonate with you.
For example, if you get jealous when your friend wants to spend time with other people, don’t try to guilt-trip them. Take a deep breath, remember that people can have many friends, and think about what you’ll do with your free time instead.
For example, you shouldn’t expect others to stop what they’re doing whenever you’re in a bad mood or have a tough day. Instead find healthy ways to cope with negative feelings without needing others to “fix” it for you. If you can, give yourself a chance to calm down and stabilize a bit before reaching out to a friend.
Be careful not to replace one type of dependency with another. For instance, if you have anxiety, it’s not a good idea to start using alcohol to calm yourself down. If you do find yourself turning to alcohol or other substances for emotional reasons, seek help from a doctor or mental health specialist.
Your self-talk is a big component of your self-esteem. Instead of criticizing yourself, talk to yourself in a friendly, encouraging way. Say things like “I can do this. I am a capable person. I am in charge of my destiny. Whatever happens, I will do my best. "
For example, no one is perfect. If a friend forgets your plans, give them the benefit of the doubt, especially if it’s a one-off. Otherwise, it’s like you expect everyone to be flawless while you are entitled to make mistakes.
Don’t confuse fulfillment with getting lots of attention from the person you’re emotionally dependent on. Think about what would make you happy even if they weren’t in your life. Create and pursue your own goals, rather than trying to meet other people’s expectations.
For instance, if your significant other goes home to visit their family, don’t mope about being alone. Find fun or productive things to do with your free time instead.
Help other people simply for the sake of helping them. If you expect something in return, you’re still in a dependent mindset.
For example, try to brainstorm some solutions to your personal problems a bit before running to others for advice. This helps you learn how to problem-solve while also taking into consideration that others might have practical advice, too. If you are really feeling stuck, seek help from a therapist.
