He seems turned off when you get intimate He’s less passionate or mechanical in bed There’s a lack of pleasurable foreplay He accuses you of being sex-obsessed when you express normal needs
Frequent pressure for a threesome with 2 men or a scenario where you watch him and another man are possible signs. There are a lot of reasons a straight man might have these fantasies, including cuckolding kinks or even past sexual abuse. Be sensitive as you approach this topic.
There are several identities in which someone can be interested in more than one gender, so don’t think he’s “just gay”. Don’t blatantly ask him, “Are you bisexual?”. This is rude and can surprise him. Instead, approach the topic by sitting down and asking him, “I had a question, I was wondering if you are interested in men?” If he says he is interested in men, also ask him if he’s attracted to you/women.
He erases his browser history regularly. You find pop-ups of gay porn on your/his computer or stored video files. He aggressively denies searching for or watching gay scenes.
It’s likely a straight guy would try to avoid looking at other women while you’re around to avoid offending you. Look for subtle signs, not obvious gestures. If he checks out men and women equally, it’s possible he’s bisexual.
He brags about getting hit on or asked out by other men He gushes about other men’s bodies or personalities to you
He gives lavish gifts to his male friend They exchange secret looks or whisper to each other around other people You get the feeling you “walked in on something” when you encounter them together
He might also keep his friend group secret from you. There’s a chance he’d be outed if you saw him with them, or he might have a secret relationship with someone in the group. [9] X Research source
This is often referred to as internalized homophobia. Another indicator could be an obsession with knowing another person’s sexuality, like “needing” to know if someone is LGBTQ+ or identifying others solely on their sexual orientation. [11] X Research source
Being kicked out of his house or shunned Losing financial support In extreme cases, physical violence
He might use social media to coordinate dates or hookups. Look at his profiles for suspicious followers, and look at who he follows as well. [14] X Research source It’s not recommended to catfish your boyfriend on an app or comb through his phone without his knowledge since this is a major violation of his privacy.
An encounter in his teen or college years is more likely to mean he’s gay or queer than an experience later in life, which could have more complex explanations. [16] X Research source
Try to be there to listen and support him if he is struggling or confused. It’s always better to ask than to make assumptions about someone’s sexuality. [19] X Expert Source Kateri Berasi, PsyDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 9 September 2021.
