For instance, maybe you said something insulting to your partner during an argument. If you reacted out of anger, take that as a sign to slow down and calm your emotions before reacting next time. Or, maybe you blew someone off when they asked to hang out because you were afraid of making a close connection with someone new.
It can be as simple as saying “Yes, I did that,” or, “I take responsibility for what I did. ” It’s important to not make excuses, either. Even if you think you had a good reason, it doesn’t negate the fact that you hurt someone.
Apologize in-person if possible. See if there is a way to talk with them one-on-one rather than in public. If in-person isn’t possible, then a phone call is the next best thing. For example, let’s say that you ignored your best friend who was going through a really hard time with her family because you wanted to spend the weekend with your new boyfriend. When you do talk with her, say, “I’m sorry for not being there for you. I realize now that ignoring your calls and not telling you what I was doing was wrong. "
For instance, if you forgot to pick your little brother up from school, you could promise to pick him up every day and get him ice cream for a week.
Consider writing about your motives as a way to open yourself up to your emotions and behavior. For example, let’s say you lied to your significant other. You felt like you wanted to protect them, but instead hurt them worse. Do you have difficulty talking with your partner? Are you afraid to open up to them fully because you think they’ll leave?
For example, let’s say that you had a really busy day at work, and forgot that you had plans to meet with your sister after work. When you realize what’s happened, you call your sister. Take ownership of your mistake. When you have negative thoughts about yourself and who you hurt, tell yourself, “I accept my mistakes. I have learned from them. ”
Your negative thoughts are not necessarily the truth. Just because you think “I’m a terrible friend,” that doesn’t make it true. Try making a list of all the ways that you have been a good friend in the past. Soften your criticism. It is good to be self-critical sometimes, but not to the point where you can’t move forward and forgive yourself, or if it is ruining your self-esteem. When you think “I’m a terrible friend,” stop and restate it in a softer (and more truthful) way. “I hurt my friend’s feelings, but it was unintentional and I have apologized. I’m a human and I make mistakes. " When you begin to criticize yourself, ask yourself if you would say those things to a friend. Would you ever tell your friend they were a terrible person because they made a mistake? Treat yourself like you are your own best friend.
Remind yourself that just because you messed up this time doesn’t mean you have to mess up again in the same way.
Journal about the incident and who you hurt. Think about any other similar incidents that have happened recently and their consequences.
Communicate that you care about those most important in your life. Make them feel special by complimenting them, and telling them in words what you think they are doing well. Spend more time with those you value in your life. Talk with them about what you’re feeling. Get their advice about how to move forward.
Try to only chat with people you trust 100%. It’s no fun to be the center of gossip, which could happen if you spill the beans to someone who isn’t trustworthy.
Local non-profits Neighbors or people in need within your neighborhood Faith-based groups such as your local church or place of worship Co-workers or classmates who are having a difficult time
Find if your health insurance provider has a list of therapists that are in-network. You may be able to get some affordable options through your health insurance. Seek out local therapists or counseling centers in your community. Ask about sliding scale or low cost options. Consider joining a support group. There are many kinds of support groups depending on what you’re facing—depression, grief and loss, divorce, and many others. This can help you feel less alone in your feelings of guilt.
