If the utensils are already laid out, leave them where they are and just set the napkin in your lap. The exceptions here are lobster and crab legs, but only if you’re eating them by hand. This only applies to formal meals where cloth napkins are already laid out for each place setting. If you’re at a dinner party in someone’s home and there’s a stack of paper napkins in the center of the table, don’t worry about this. While this is mainly an etiquette thing, it will also keep you from ruining your pants! If you’re eating something like sushi and a roll collapses as you’re lifting it with the chopsticks, you’ll be happy that napkin is there.
When in doubt, just wait to see what the other guests do. You can always follow someone else’s cue if you forget what a utensil or plate is for. If there are utensils above your plate, those are for dessert. If there’s a small plate either on top of the dinner plate or next to your utensils, it’s for bread or appetizers.
The goal here is to relish, not fill up! Picture the difference between someone eating a sandwich as quickly as they can while they walk to work, and a laid-back person sitting in front of a sidewalk café slowly snacking on some olives. What’s the difference? Enjoyment! It’s okay if you’re a little anxious about following the norms at a formal meal. Focus on the flavors of the food, the taste of the wine, and the aroma of a fresh meal. Savor it. If you can do that, you’re 90% of the way there as far as “behaving properly” is concerned.
This is a signal to others that you respect fine dining. A chef prepared these dishes for the flavors to balance one another out, and adhering to that code indicates that you appreciate the chef’s work. This isn’t a “burger and fries” situation where the food is meant to be eaten separately. If you do have dish with a side (i. e. a ribeye steak and a double-baked potato), swap back and forth between the two while you eat. The food is also going to just be more dynamic and flavorful if you do this. If there is anything you don’t plan on eating, push it to the outer-rim of your plate so that it doesn’t stand out. It’s totally okay to pass on an ingredient or two, but try not to outright refuse food at a dinner party.
This is essential for messier foods. You’re more likely to spill a giant spoonful of jumbo than a small mini-size bite, and watermelon juice will definitely drizzle down your chin if you take a huge bite. [6] X Research source Want a unique tip on powdered donuts? Break them into small pieces by hand over a napkin and eat the pieces individually. That way, you won’t end up with powdered sugar all over your shirt. [7] X Research source This also helps your body process the food at a more consistent rate, which should keep you from filling up. In a multi-course meal, experiencing every dish is a good idea (both from an etiquette and enjoyment perspective).
If you do think you’re about to drop food or spill, bring your off-hand up to help. You can cover your mouth, or catch any spilling food with your off-hand. The less sudden movement you make in these instances, the better. If you’re eating with a fork and knife, do not drop the knife to “switch hands” with the fork. It might take a second or two of practice, but you should be able to guide food to your mouth with your nondominant hand.
If you’re ordering food at a formal dinner, avoid ordering anything that will be hard to eat quietly. Oysters, corn on the cob, and buffalo wings are the common culprits (although a fancy restaurant may not sell all of these). This isn’t that important if it’s an intimate meal among friends at someone’s home. If the host put out something messy for you to eat, it would be rude to avoid it. Just eat slow, take your time, and use your napkin gracefully.
For buffalo wings, opt for the drumsticks—they tend to be less messy. Hold the ends with both hands using only your index and thumb, and take small bites. [11] X Research source You can always eat food with a fork, even if it isn’t meant to be eaten that way. This is helpful for things like chili-cheese fries and candy apples. Pro-tip on saucy sandwiches and hot dogs: don’t put them down. They fall apart and get messy quickly when you set them down and the ingredients separate from the bread. Soup can be a nightmare if you’re trying to eat elegantly at a formal dinner. Try to spoon the soup up by guiding the utensil away from you, not toward you, and don’t put the entire spoon in your mouth. Use the side of the spoon, not the front. [12] X Research source
There’s no trick to asking here. Just say, “Excuse me, would you mind passing me the salt?” Don’t feel like you’re bothering anyone by doing this. It’s very common in fine dinning scenarios to ask someone to pass you something.
If you show up to a party of some sort, wait to be invited to sit down. At a restaurant, let the host guide you to where you need to go—don’t start wandering around or sitting without someone knowing about it. Pushing the schedule forward on your own sends the message that you’re trying to rush through everything, which implies you aren’t enjoying yourself. It’s also kind of gluttonous, since it can appear like you haven’t had your fill and can’t possibly wait.
Part of this is that checking your phone implies you might be checking the time, which means you may not be enjoying yourself. In that spirit, avoid checking your watch if you can. A quick stolen glance is fine, but lifting your wrist up to your eyes to check the time is a little tacky.
Do your best to interact with everyone at the meal at least once, if you can. This is an old social convention designed to keep dinners from turning into shouting matches where people are yelling across a table. Keeping the volume at a reasonable level is elegant! Aim to choose conversation topics that everyone can engage in. [17] X Expert Source Tami ClaytorEtiquette Coach Expert Interview. 29 September 2020.
Now, if you have an allergy or you absolutely downright despise whatever the restaurant is known for, feel free to order something else. Just try to keep it in the relative category of what the spot is known for. Don’t get the pad Thai at a trendy new age Thai joint, and avoid the steakhouse hamburger.
Nobody is going to judge you or think less of you for asking for more information. In fact, it may demonstrate your confidence! It takes guts to admit you don’t know something.
