Start out by reaching for your partner’s hand when you’re sitting on the couch together. You might also rest your hand on their shoulder for a moment when you walk past them. Once that starts to feel natural again, move on to lingering hugs, cuddles, massages, and other flirty touches.
Flowers Ice cream A playlist of your favorite songs[3] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 18 September 2019. A photo album with pics of the two of you Something they want or need, like new socks or T-shirts
Share big picture things you’re grateful for, like, “Thank you for always being willing to try again, even when things get hard. " Also, include little personal details to make the letter meaningful. Maybe something like, “I love the way you always change the oil in my car so I don’t have to take it to the shop. "
Other fun ideas might include taking a picnic lunch to the park, going on a hike, riding bikes, or checking out a museum near you.
Make dinner for your partner after they’ve had to work late. Run a load of laundry if your partner is normally the one who does it—complete with drying, folding, and putting everything away. Clean their car if it’s dirty. Fix something of theirs that’s broken
Try planning one date night a month, or maybe set a date to have coffee in bed on Saturday mornings.
If your partner’s love language is words of affirmation, writing a love note would be a good option. If it’s physical touch or quality time, plan a night when you can cuddle on the couch.
In the case of feeling bored, for instance, you might remind yourself, “He might not always be the most exciting, but he always does his best to provide for our children. " If you’re struggling with unreliability, you might think, “She might not always call when she’s running late, but it’s usually because she stopped to get dinner or pick up something for me. "
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to forget what happened. It means you make a deliberate choice to stop holding onto the blame and hurt that your partner caused you. It can help to put yourself in your partner’s shoes. What led to them making the decision that hurt you? If you can have compassion for them, it may be easier to forgive them.
Try finding new, creative places to have sex to keep things exciting! If sex seems like a big step right now, just ask them to cuddle for now.
Self-care can include things you find relaxing, like long showers, a cup of coffee on the porch, or time tending to your garden. Pursuing your hobbies and spending time with your friends can also be considered self-care. Encourage your partner to do the things they enjoy, as well! Having your own identities is really important in a marriage. [14] X Expert Source Lauren Urban, LCSWLicensed Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 3 September 2018.
Or, you might need to be more assertive so you don’t end up resenting your partner for not meeting your needs. If you catch yourself being critical of your partner, ask yourself if there’s a reason you feel like they need to live up to a certain standard. If you’re dishonest with your spouse, try to figure out why you do things that you feel you need to hide.
