“I really messed up, and I’m so sorry. You’re the most important thing in my life. ” “I wish I could take back what I did, but I know I can’t. I’m so sorry for hurting you. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me. ”
For instance, the partner who cheated may feel like they need more attention, or they might have enjoyed the excitement they had with their affair partner. When an affair happens, the responsibility is always on the partner who cheated, even if they felt like their partner wasn’t meeting their needs. Set aside time to talk about the affair so it’s not all you talk about. That way, the betrayal doesn’t become the focus of your relationship.
Cutting off all contact with the affair partner. Blocking the affair partner on social media. Sharing passwords. Going to couple’s counseling.
You’d say, “I feel like you don’t prioritize date night,” versus “You don’t make time for date nights. ” If you’re having trouble communicating, try doing something while you have a conversation. You might go for a drive or go for a walk together. It’ll be easier to have a deep conversation.
It’s okay to work your way back up to physical affection if this is something that’s uncomfortable for you right now. You might start with just holding hands or sitting close to each other. Ease back into physical intimacy with sensual touching. Reconnecting physically may take time, but you can enjoy the process. Try giving each other massages to reignite your passions for each other. [4] X Research source
You could each make a list of things you’ve always wanted, like a romantic date on the beach or a bouquet of flowers sent to your workplace. Exchange lists to give you inspiration for surprising each other.
“You’re worth working for. I want you. ” “Thank you for all you do around here. ” “I’m so blessed to have you in my life. ” “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. ” “Thank you for loving me. ”
Recreating your first date. Going to the place you first said, “I love you. ” Taking them dancing like you did when you were dating. Going on a romantic walk on the beach like you did on your honeymoon. Taking them to the place you proposed and telling them you’re recommitting to them.
You might enjoy a romantic candlelight dinner on the beach, take a salsa dancing class, enjoy a wine tasting, play games at an arcade, go bowling, go to a roller skating rink, or enjoy a picnic in the park. If you can’t get a babysitter, plan date nights at home. You could have a candlelight dessert or glass of wine after they go to bed. Or, you could have a romantic coffee date before they get up.
Dive deep by asking each other questions. You could ask, “What’s your biggest fear?” “How would you describe your dream life?” or “What’s your favorite memory from your childhood?”
Consider giving your partner your passwords for your phone and social media so they can check it if they feel doubts. While this isn’t good for the long-term, it might be necessary when you’re first starting to rebuild trust.
You can find counselors via a Google search or recommendations from friends. It’s a good idea to interview 3 or 4 counselors to make sure you feel totally comfortable with the one you choose.
As part of your new beginning, go on dates and get to know each other again. This is a new chapter in your relationship.
Feelings may come and go in cycles, so the betrayed partner might experience an emotional rollercoaster. There may even be times that sadness or anger bubbles up after your relationship feels normal again. This is very common, so be patient.
