Making your activities more public can make it harder to give in to sexual urges. For instance, try using your computer in a public place, like a park bench or coffee shop, instead of while you’re alone in your room. If you go out to a bar or the beach, bring a friend who can distract you and keep you busy so you’re not scoping people out. If you’re lusting over a specific person, avoid checking their social media or doing things to get their attention. [2] X Expert Source Jan & Jillian YuhasRelationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
“I want to wait on having sex until I’m married, because sexual intimacy is sacred and special to me. ” “I’m trying to resist temptation because I want to be faithful to my spouse. ” “Self-discipline is an important part of my spiritual beliefs. I want to overcome lustful thoughts to improve my relationship with my higher power. ” “I don’t want my unwanted sexual urges and behaviors to damage my relationships or cause problems in my professional life. ”
For instance, if you realize that those lustful thoughts show up more when you’re bored, look for ways to keep your mind busy. Try listening to music or a fun podcast while you’re doing boring tasks, like folding laundry. You might realize that you’ve been using sexual thoughts or behaviors to cope with stress. Set an intention to find new coping methods and form healthier habits.
Focus on activities that help you feel good about yourself instead of focusing on the person you’re lusting over. [6] X Expert Source Jan & Jillian YuhasRelationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
Schedule a little time each day—even if it’s just 10-15 minutes here and there—to talk about fun things. Make it a rule not to discuss work, school, kids, or any other day-to-day business during this special time! Make a list of the top 10 things you love most about your SO, or of your favorite memories together. Do something new together, like going on a weekend trip, taking a dance class, or checking out a new restaurant in your neighborhood. Practice physical intimacy. Even if you’re not having sex, there are other ways to show physical affection, such as hugging, kissing, or giving each other back rubs.
If you get distracted trying to unwind on your own, try signing up for a class (like an online Tai Chi course) or doing something relaxing with a friend.
If you’re still social distancing or don’t feel comfortable meeting in person, look for a group that meets online. You might need to try different groups before you find one that feels right to you. Self-help groups take many forms. Some are faith-based, while others take a more psychological approach. Think about which method will be most helpful to you, and search for groups that meet your needs.
For instance, some Christians pray on specific Bible verses that help them refocus their thoughts on their commitment to God (such as Psalm 19:14). [11] X Research source Studies show that prayer brings greater peace and well-being when you keep it positive and focus on talking to your higher power instead of blaming yourself and dwelling on your failings. [12] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source For example, instead of saying something like, “God, I failed and gave in to temptation again,” try something like, “God, I’m so grateful to be on this path to becoming the person I want to be. Can you help me through the challenge of overcoming these tempting thoughts?”
This can feel embarrassing, but remember that there’s a good chance they have struggled with similar issues themselves! It’s also their job to help people work through issues related to their faith, whatever those might be.
Sit or lie down in a quiet, comfortable spot. Close your eyes if you like. Take a few slow, deep breaths. Focus on the feeling of your belly rising and falling as you breathe. Focus on other physical sensations, like feelings of tension in your body or things that you can sense in your environment (like sounds or smells). Sit for a few minutes and be aware of your thoughts. You might notice that you are having sexual thoughts or sensations. Just notice them without trying to analyze or judge them. Gently turn your focus back to your breath for a few minutes before you go back to your regular activities.
It can be helpful to label these thoughts and feelings as “unwanted” or “intrusive. ” Don’t try to pick them apart or figure out what they mean—just calmly remind yourself that they’re not wanted. [15] X Research source This doesn’t mean that your unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings will go away forever. In fact, expect that they will come back. Just practice being more accepting of the thoughts when they come. Nobody can completely control their thoughts and feelings. Remind yourself that what’s going on in your brain and body isn’t your fault and doesn’t make you a “bad” person, even if it feels scary or inappropriate. The important thing is how you act on those thoughts.
If you struggle with constant sexual fantasies or urges that cause you a lot of distress or interfere with your day-to-day activities, or if you feel like you can’t control your sexual behaviors, you may be experiencing “compulsive sexual behavior. ” If this sounds like you, don’t feel ashamed. It’s not your fault, and you’re not alone. Your doctor or therapist can help![17] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Your therapist may recommend treatments such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic psychotherapy. Both kinds of therapy help you identify unhealthy thoughts and behavior patterns and build healthier habits.
Antidepressants and antianxiety medications, which can help reduce obsessive thoughts. Naltrexone, a medication that is used to manage addictive behaviors. Mood stabilizer medications, like those used to treat bipolar disorder. Anti-androgens, which reduce hormones that are associated with sexual behaviors.
