Your underlying beliefs about relationships could be fueling your jealousy. For instance, you might feel like your partner’s exes are always a threat to your relationship, or that if your friends have fun with someone else, they won’t like you anymore. [2] X Research source You might also have deep-rooted insecurities that cause you to feel like if other people are successful, it means you aren’t as good as them or that it takes away a chance for you to find success.
Spending most of your time wishing you had what others have, instead of appreciating what you have. Constantly comparing yourself to your friends, family members, and coworkers, and finding that you always come up short. Feeling unhappy when you see your friends hanging out with other people. Getting upset when your significant other interacts with someone they might find attractive. Constantly looking at your significant other’s Facebook, phone, or email for signs that they are cheating on you. [4] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
For instance, maybe you feel jealous of your best friend because they’re pursuing a career as an artist, while you’re afraid to take that step. This may be a sign that you should rethink your career path. If you’re jealous of the way a coworker dresses, work on developing your own unique style. Instead of envying someone with a lot of money, make your dollars count—save up your money to buy just a few key items for your wardrobe or apartment that will make you feel good about what you have.
For example, if you’re jealous that your friend is spending time with someone new, but they’re still making time for you, you probably don’t have anything to worry about. If you’re feeling jealous in your romantic relationship, think about whether you can trust your partner. If they’re frequently dishonest with you or they’ve broken your trust before, your jealousy could actually be your instincts telling you something’s wrong. Consider taking a step back so you can reflect on whether this is really a healthy relationship.
Using deep-breathing, meditation, or mindfulness exercises Talking to someone you trust Exercising to burn off your stress Writing in a journal or creating art[9] X Research source
One way to build your self-esteem is to write down all the things you love about yourself. Focus on the parts of your life that you love, such as your relationships, your amazing job, or how far you’ve come. When you’re feeling jealous, read over the list to help you feel better in your own skin. [11] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. It’s okay if you have some flaws—everyone does. Just try to improve on those every day, and keep building up the good things about yourself.
You won’t beat your jealousy if you’re obsessed with doing what your friends do, looking like your friends, or having the same relationship your friend has. No two people are alike, and you’ll only feel worse if you’re trying to emulate someone else. Though different people should inspire us in different ways, don’t forget that you are a unique individual and never compare yourself to anyone else. [13] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. The only person you should compare yourself to is—you! Pay attention to how far you’ve come and be proud of yourself for that. [14] X Research source
For instance, you might check your significant other’s profile every day, reading through all of the comments to see if they’re still acting flirty with their ex. You might also obsessively look through your friends’ photos to see if they’re having fun without you. Even just casually scrolling can bring up feelings of jealousy if you feel like other people’s lives are better than yours. Remember, though—it’s easy for other people to present a perfect version of their lives on social media, so what you see might not be reality. [16] X Research source
For example, you might train to run a 5k, start a side hustle, learn to play a musical instrument, or take a class to learn a new skill. When you’re really happy with what you have going on, you’ll feel more confident in what you have to offer—making it less likely that you’ll feel jealous if your friends or partner show interest in other people.
Put more effort into relationships where you feel really valued. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, like if they constantly brag about what they have or they always put you down, it may be time to move on. If you’re in a serious relationship, work on having honest and open communication to help you address the things that aren’t working. [20] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020. If you find yourself being jealous of other people’s happiness, spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself.
If you’re having trouble getting started, remind yourself that you’re lucky just to have running water, food to eat whenever you want it, good health, and even access to a computer. It can help to write these things in a journal. That way, you can read over them any time you’re feeling jealous of what other people have. Consider spending some time helping others to remind yourself how fortunate you are. For instance, you might volunteer in your community or help a friend who’s going through a hard time. [22] X Research source
It can sometimes be tempting to pull away from the other person in an effort to get them to reassure you. Unfortunately, this will often have the opposite effect and create distance between you, instead. [24] X Research source If you can, try excusing yourself from the situation for a few minutes. Take a few deep breaths to help yourself feel more in control. Then, start to process what you’re feeling. If you do decide to talk to the other person about how you’re feeling, it’s best to wait until you’ve had time to really cool down and sort through your thoughts.
For example, you may have an insecure attachment style if you constantly struggle with your sense of self-worth and like everyone around you is going to leave. A therapist can help you become more self-confident to prevent this from becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. A therapist might also help you work through low self-esteem that causes you to feel jealous when other people are successful.
