For instance, if you’re struggling with feelings of anger, God may be giving you a chance to lean on Him for peace. If you feel like crying on a friend’s shoulder, God might be showing you the people in your life who are there to support and care for you.
Sometimes when you’re going through a really difficult time, it can be hard to feel connected to God. Even if your faith doesn’t feel strong, pray that God will guide you in what to do next. Psalm 46:1 describes how God helps His people in times of need: “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. "
For instance, you might say something like, “I need to know how many other partners you’ve had since we’ve been together. Also, I’d like to know whether you practiced safe sex or if I should see my doctor to get tested for STIs. " Try to have this conversation as calmly as possible. If you’re feeling really emotional, it might help to postpone it. It may help to have a mediator present for this conversation, like a marriage counselor or an elder in your church. [4] X Research source
For instance, you might say something like, “Were you feeling dissatisfied in our marriage?” or “Did the other person offer you something that I didn’t?"[5] X Research source It may take some time for you and your husband to work through what led him to cheat. It can help a lot to work through these issues with a spiritual leader or a counselor. [6] X Research source
As you process what happened, you may find that you feel that you could have done things differently—like being more attentive or understanding toward your husband. You’re still not to blame for him cheating, but you can take those things into consideration in the future.
Try turning to someone you really respect in your church. That way, you’ll be able to get spiritual advice that’s in line with your beliefs. [10] X Research source You might also look for a faith-based counselor as you move forward.
Do your best to take care of your responsibilities every day, like going to work and taking care of your children—but don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re not quite up to your usual self. Take time to heal, you can look into getting therapy. [13] X Expert Source Elvina Lui, MFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.
You might also include Bible verses that you find helpful during this time. Then, when you’re really struggling, read back through your journal and pray that God will give you comfort through those same verses.
Keep praying for your husband even if you decide to divorce him—after all, Jesus instructed his followers in Luke 6:28: “Pray for those who mistreat you. "
Pay attention to his actions—not just his words. If he’s really putting in the effort to prove to you that he wants to repair your relationship, like following through on all of his promises and being completely transparent with you, it may be a good sign for the future.
If you do decide to stay together, think about what you can do to help your relationship be stronger than it was before. [20] X Research source Also, set clear boundaries about what is and isn’t okay as you move forward. [21] X Research source If your husband is defensive or doesn’t seem sorry for what happened, or you really don’t feel you’ll be able to trust him again, it may be best to end the marriage. In fact, adultery is described in the Bible as a legitimate reason for divorce. [22] X Research source
If there’s nothing available nearby, you might check out an online support group like Infidelity Survivors Anonymous or Infidelity Recovery Institute. [23] X Research source
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you necessarily have to trust your husband again—you might forgive him and still make the decision not to be together in the future.
