Increased moodiness, irritability, or sadness. Unexplained aches and pains. Muscle tension. Trouble sleeping. Headaches or dizziness. Upset stomach or indigestion. Sexual problems. An increase in problem habits like overeating, smoking, gambling, alcohol consumption, or drug use.
If he’s most stressed after he gets home from work, right before football practice, or after talking to his parents, those are probably his current stress triggers. This is when you might realize that you are one of his stress triggers. If so, don’t panic and don’t be too hard on yourself! Instead, keep your focus on what you can do to reduce the stress environment for both of you. Every guy is different, of course, but guys in general most often feel stress about work, money, family issues, and—you guessed it—relationships. Some people simply lack emotional vocabulary and get overwhelmed, having a hard time articulating what they’re feeling. If that’s the case, maybe you can work with your boyfriend so he can better understand this stress. [3] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 19 July 2019. If you are somehow causing the stress and know the reason behind it, take a time out and remove yourself from the situation. If possible, replace the negative behavior with an act of kindness. [4] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022. Commit to be more aware and to change stressing behaviors in the future. Clearly speak that your intentions are not to stress out your partner. [5] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022.
If he’s stressed out by life’s hectic pace in general, invite him to experience nature or attend a meditation class with you. Offer him comfort, kindness, love and compassion. [7] X Expert Source Susan Pazak, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist & Professional Life Coach Expert Interview. 22 April 2022. If he gets stressed after every visit with his parents, schedule some fun, relaxing activities that he really enjoys both before and after he visits with them.
Even when he’s not talking about stress, make a point of being a good listener. Improving communication skills is a great way to strengthen a relationship—and that can be a definite stress-reducer.
For example, instead of saying, “You scare me when you smack the table like that,” try, “I get worried when I see how the stress of all your schoolwork causes an angry response. ” Follow up with a question like, “Do you feel like we could change our evening schedule to enhance your work time?”
Don’t rush into talking about the future, or start talking about your plans for a dream wedding after a month of dating. That really might give him cold feet! Instead, make time to have regular “status update” chats during which you can both speak freely about whatever is on your mind.
Say, for example, you disagree on where to go to dinner. Don’t refuse to engage and just not go anywhere, and don’t turn it into a big fight over how he always has to get his way. Instead, talk about the pros and cons of different options and consider setting up a fair system for taking turns deciding where to go.
Work on managing your anger with strategies like deep breathing and visualization techniques. Mindfulness meditation is a great idea as well. [13] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 19 July 2019. Instead of saying something more hurtful like “You must not care about me since you always let me sit here waiting to hear from you,” use an “I” statement like “I feel worried and neglected when you go all night without even a quick check-in. ”
For example, for Halloween, maybe he wants to go to Joe’s party and you want to go to Emily’s party. Maybe you can agree to spend some time at each party—or just go to Sam’s party instead!
Instead, work together to “guide” the relationship along a positive path. How? Start by communicating openly, honestly, and frequently about your feelings. It’s amazing how helpful that can be!
This doesn’t mean you should settle for an unsatisfying or unhealthy relationship because “it could be worse. ” If the stress is there because the relationship is genuinely bad for you, prioritize your own wellbeing and consider ending things if necessary.
Eating healthy and getting regular exercise. Establishing a healthy sleep routine. Doing yoga, meditation, or light exercise. Listening to calming music or reading a relaxing book. Taking a soothing bath or getting a massage. Journaling or talking about your feelings. Learning to say “no” when you’re overburdened. Setting realistic expectations for what you can accomplish.
