Even if your spouse isn’t involved in your spiritual life, devoting yourself to a closer relationship with God can help you find peace as you fix your marriage. In 1 Chronicles 16:11, the Bible describes the way you should pursue a relationship with God: “Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. "
Try not to pray for a specific outcome—sometimes God answers your prayers in a way that doesn’t look quite like what you expected. For instance, you might pray that your spouse will find a better job, but God might intend for the two of you to learn to live more simply.
For instance, you may have expected your partner to spend every weekend doing fun couple things. If they want to spend time with their friends on the weekends, it could lead to resentment on both sides. Understanding how your expectations impacted that situation can make it easier to compromise with your spouse. If you find yourself frequently snapping at your partner, they may start to feel like there’s no point in making an effort, so they might withdraw. You can repair that damage by speaking more kindly and focusing on the positive things they do. Directly stating what you did wrong and how you know your actions were improper can go a very long way to your partner. Show them you care by admitting your mistake. [6] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
Forgiving your spouse doesn’t mean you have to completely forget about whatever happened. [9] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021. Set healthy boundaries with your partner so you both know what is and isn’t acceptable in the future. For instance, even if you forgive your spouse for cheating, you might still ask them to openly share their devices and passwords with you until you feel comfortable that you can trust them again. When discussing the situation, speak from your feelings. There’s no doubt that a cheating partner knows how much they have hurt you, but stating directly how and why you are hurt, and speaking from your feelings will be most effective. [10] X Expert Source Supatra Tovar, PsyD, RDLicensed Clinical Psychologist (PSY #31949), Registered Dietitian, & Fitness Expert Expert Interview. 6 October 2021.
If you have a pre-set idea of what your healed, healthy marriage will look like, you could actually be working against God’s plan for you and your spouse. Try praying something like, “God, help me stop being critical of my partner. I want to love them openly, the way I did when we were first married. "
In Ephesians 5:28, the Bible says, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. " This applies to all spouses—you don’t stop loving yourself because you have a broken arm, and you shouldn’t stop loving your spouse just because there’s a problem in your marriage.
When you and your partner are really struggling, it might seem hard to find anything to be thankful for. Start small with something like, “Thanks for taking out the trash,” or “I appreciate you for doing the laundry. " As you get more into the habit of sharing your gratitude each day, it will get easier to find things to be thankful for.
Compromise looks different for everyone. It might mean finding a middle ground on how to discipline your children, setting boundaries with the in-laws, or deciding where to live or work. Don’t give up, even if you sometimes feel like you’re the only one willing to compromise. In time, your spouse will notice how hard you’re trying. If they’re still invested in the marriage, eventually they’ll try to meet you in the middle.
Being respectful toward your spouse might look like listening attentively when they speak, carefully considering their point of view, and speaking calmly even if you disagree with what they’re saying.
Things might not get better overnight, but try to be patient as you work on your marriage. Proverbs 3:5-6 describes this type of faith: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight. “[19] X Research source
James 1:19 describes this type of mindset: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. "
Losing self-control definitely is not the only incentive for keeping sex in your marriage. Physical intimacy helps strengthen the emotional bond between the two of you, making it easier to stay strong through hardships.
A licensed marriage counselor is the best choice when you’re dealing with really complex marital problems like infidelity, substance abuse, or trust issues. You could also turn to church elders or people in healthy marriages for advice and guidance, especially if your problems are mainly around things like communication and compromise.
