Many single moms enjoy the time they get to spend with you as a sexy, desirable woman. When she goes out with you, she gets to get dolled up and have fun on her own terms. It’s a sort of escape, and not one she’s going to give up quickly. Let her know that you’re not in any rush and that you’re willing to take things as slowly as she needs to. Don’t take it personally if she’s not eager to take your relationship to the next level—she’ll appreciate your patience. Obviously, dating is very individualized. Some people do get deeper connections and build a genuine future with each other in less than a few months. A good rule of thumb when there are children involved is to really be deliberate and make sure that you’re both looking for the same thing. Try to understand if both of you have plans in place that align with where the other person wants to go and also that you’re willing to actively play a role in the child’s life. Introducing kids into a casual dating experience can be very problematic for that child in terms of their own development and their own boundary setting, so respect her if she doesn’t want to introduce you as soon as you’d like.
For example, you might say to her, “Look—I know your kids and your work are always going to be your priorities. I never want to do anything that would make you think I don’t get that. " This also means that you’ll have to be understanding when, for example, she needs to cancel a date because one of her kids is sick or she needs to work late. It’s nothing personal. The main consideration should be the well-being of her kids.
This doesn’t mean you can’t be spontaneous at all, though. For example, you might surprise her with tickets to see her favorite band in concert—when the show’s 2 months away, not when it’s tomorrow night.
For example, if she enjoys getting dressed up, you might spring for reservations at a hot local restaurant followed by tickets to a show. Think in terms of giving her a fantasy escape. For example, you might have a date at a local botanical garden followed by lunch at a charming bistro.
For example, if she mentions that she used to paint a lot, you might surprise her with some canvases and a set of watercolors. Some of her interests can also provide you with date ideas. For example, if she mentions that she really enjoys bowling, you might plan a bowling night for the two of you.
This is especially true if you invite her out someplace fancy. If it’s your idea, you shouldn’t expect her to pay for it.
Let her know what you want before the first date if possible. This might mean that there isn’t a first date, but that’s better than leading her on. Think of the kids here as well. Remember that if the relationship goes well, you’re going to become a part of those kids’ lives. If you’re not interested in that, it’s better to let her know early on before she gets too emotionally attached to you. If you want to have kids of your own, it’s a good idea to bring that up as well. As a woman in her 40s who already has kids, she might not be interested in having any more.
Only she knows when it’s appropriate for you to meet her kids. She likely doesn’t want to introduce you to them until she’s sure she’s going to be with you long-term. She’s also going to take her kids’ ages and personalities into account. Don’t be disheartened or take it as a red flag if she never invites you over to her house. Remember that it takes her a lot more time and effort to get her house ready for company. She might also not be ready to introduce you to that part of her life. If you don’t have kids yourself, you might not get why she wants some things to be off-limits—and that’s okay. You can ask her if she wants to talk about it more, but keep in mind that she doesn’t owe you an explanation.
Let her know that you’re there for her whenever she needs someone to talk to. If she apologizes or says she feels guilty for unloading on you, tell her that’s what you’re there for. She doesn’t always want advice or want you to fix a problem, either. Sometimes, she just needs to vent. If you’re unsure, you might ask her, “Do you just need to vent, or are you looking for solutions?”
Asking about her kids is a great way to show that you care about them, even if you haven’t met them yet. For example, if she mentions that her son has a soccer game, you might ask her how it went the next time you see her. Let her know that you would be happy to meet her children whenever she is ready for that to happen. If you’re always asking her when she’s not going to have her kids, that’s often a signal to her that you don’t care about kids and only want to be with her when the kids aren’t around.
This is especially true when it comes to disciplining the kids. If the kids act up in front of you, leave it for their mom to handle—don’t step in and try to discipline them yourself. [13] X Research source Even if you have your own kids, remember that your kids are different from her kids. What works for one won’t necessarily work for the other. If you want to share or exchange parenting ideas, do it at a time when the kids aren’t around.
It’s often a good idea to plan activities that involve the kids, like mini-golf or bowling. This gives them an opportunity to get used to you and see you interact with their mom while doing something else. Getting to know her kids is a step toward deepening your relationship, so make sure you’re serious about her and ready for that kind of commitment. Many kids are also pretty protective of their mom, so they may be holding back until they’re sure that you’re good for her.
Even if he’s a toxic person, she still has to communicate with him occasionally and might find it better to “make nice” with him for the kids’ sake. Telling her to cut off communication with him isn’t helpful—just be there for her to vent.
