For instance, maybe your boyfriend is really good at texting back quickly, making plans and sticking to them, and remembering little things about you. However, he might be bad at talking about his emotions, processing anger, or making rational decisions when he’s upset.
You can bring this up by saying something like, “I’d love to learn more about your values. What’s something you feel really strongly about?”
If he’s feeling relaxed or casual, he might lean back in his seat and let his arms hang by his sides. If he’s sad, he might look down or turn away from you.
You might check in with him by saying things like, “Hey, you’ve been a little quiet lately. Is everything okay?”
For instance, if you’re mad at your boyfriend, why are you feeling that way? Maybe he hasn’t put in enough effort to see you lately, so you might request that he makes you a priority. If you’re feeling hurt, why is that? Maybe you feel like your boyfriend is being a little too flirty with other people, so you need to discuss the boundaries of your relationship again.
If you aren’t sure whether or not your boyfriend is free to talk, you can ask something like, “Is now a good time for you?” You never want to blame or take your frustrations out on each other. [7] X Expert Source Elvina Lui, MFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 15 March 2019. Be sure to give him plenty of space if he needs it. [8] X Expert Source Elvina Lui, MFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 15 March 2019.
You could try asking things like, “Could you tell me more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Could you explain that a little more?”
For instance, if he says, “We never hang out anymore,” you might say, “What you’re saying is that we need to spend more time together. Is that right?” Or, if he says, “I need more space,” you might say, “Are you saying that you need more alone time?”
This is especially helpful for people who learn best via reading/writing.
Having sympathy for your partner and assuming the best about them will make you feel more compassionate toward them, which can lead to less anger and frustration.
You can handle these situations by saying something like, “I can see you feel strongly about this issue, and so do I. Why don’t we agree to disagree for now?” It is possible to have a relationship with someone when you disagree on big subjects, like politics or religion. You may just have to work a little harder to respect each other’s opinions.
For instance, maybe he wants to spend every day together hanging out, while you’d rather have your space sometimes. You can compromise by seeing each other every other day and texting or calling on the days you’re apart.
If you do chat with someone about your relationship, make sure to keep things respectful, and let them know how great your boyfriend is, too.
