If your partner or friend has bipolar II disorder, it means that they haven’t had a manic episode and that their depressive episodes might last longer.
For instance, you might feel tense or sad if your partner is going through a depressive episode and has been ignoring you. You might feel worried or frightened if they’re going through a manic episode and you’re scared that they’ll do something dangerous.
“My partner is not allowed to have access to the credit card when they’re experiencing a compulsive, manic episode. " “I will not tolerate verbal or physical abuse. I will also protect our kids from any form of abuse and will take them to a safe space if we don’t feel safe. " “We will set up a separate bedroom so my partner can use it during a manic phase and I can get a good night’s sleep. “[5] X Expert Source Allison Broennimann, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 29 January 2021. “We will develop a regular routine based around exercise, therapy, regular sleep, and healthy eating in order to add some stability to our relationship. " “I will reach out for professional help if I think that my partner is in a dangerous manic or manic-depressive state and might hurt themselves. “[6] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 3 January 2019.
“I have the right to ask for alone time so I can process my feelings and get some space, especially when they’re manic and want my full attention. " “To protect my feelings, I will not tolerate yelling, ridiculing, or name-calling. " “I will talk to my therapist if my partner’s depressive mood makes me feel hopeless or makes it hard for me to function. " “We’ll check in with each other about how we’re feeling at least once a week—even if they’re in a depressive state and don’t feel like talking. "
Try to be respectful as you share your boundaries but make it clear that the boundaries are there to protect you. [9] X Expert Source Cameron Gibson, R. C. C. Registered Clinical Counsellor & Program Director Expert Interview. 10 February 2021. For instance, you might say, “I need you to answer your phone when you’re experiencing a manic episode. It’s important that I know you’re safe, so I won’t worry about you constantly. "
For instance, instead of saying, “You always make me feel terrible when you yell and storm off, so you need to let me know when you need space,” say, “I feel really upset if you storm off, so I need you to just tell me when you need some space. " If they start pushing back against the boundaries, firmly repeat them and why you have them in place. Don’t back down or they’ll ignore your needs. If either of you starts to get emotional or argumentative, take a break. Then, wait to have the conversation until you’re calm.
Let them know why you’re enforcing boundaries. For example, if you struggle with them being unpredictable during a manic phase and they expect you to drop everything to hang out, tell them, “I need more notice, so that doesn’t really work for me. " Think of your boundaries as constructive opportunities. Every time you stand up for yourself, you tell the other person what is acceptable behavior. If your relationship continues to worsen and you don’t feel comfortable or safe around the person, make it clear that things have to change before you see them again. You could say, “You haven’t attempted to respect my wishes and I’m scared when I’m around you. You’re no longer welcome here. "
Reassuring the person lets them know that they’re improving and that you notice their hard work. It’s really easy for resentment to build up in bipolar relationships. By giving regular praise you’ll train yourself to focus on the positive and the other person will feel valued.
If it’s been a while since you two really talked, you might say, “Hey, we haven’t really gotten to sit down and talk lately. I really want to know how you’re doing. "
You’ll have an easier time interacting with the person if you don’t try to fix them. Remember, bipolar disorder is a medical condition with challenging symptoms, but you can still have a rich and meaningful relationship.
If they frequently lash out or say mean things during an episode, try to put some space between the two of you. When they’re relatively well, you can let them know how their behavior made you feel. Dealing with these challenging behaviors can be tough. It can really help your mental health to talk with a therapist about how you’re doing. If this isn’t possible, even talking with close friends or family can offer you some much-needed support.
A counselor can help you both start to understand what the other person is feeling and can help you both develop communication tools. For example, a counselor can teach both of you relaxation techniques like meditation, breathing exercises, and visualization exercises.
Check out community support groups in your area or online. These can put you in touch with other people who are experiencing similar challenges.
