Describe what you want for her in a relationship: “I want you to have a partner who loves you and treats you with respect. ”[4] X Research source Get her involved with questions: “Can you think of examples of healthy relationships from real life or TV? What makes them good relationships?” Examples of healthy relationship qualities include: respect, trust, honesty, individuality, compromise, control over negative emotions, problem solving, and good communication. [5] X Research source
Use hypothetical scenarios to get her critical thinking skills working: “What do you think it says about someone if they speak poorly about women?” Talk to her about physical/sexual abuse warning signs: slapping, hitting, pinching, unwanted touching, unwanted sexual contact or sexual coercion, etc. [6] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source List out signs of emotional abuse: demeaning language, intimidation, taking your belongings or money, showing extreme jealousy, preventing you from going to school or seeing friends, etc.
Tell her that even private messages get stored online: “Be very careful about what you send to your boyfriend, because once you put something online, it’s permanent. ” Talk about the consequences of sending explicit messages: “Photos you send can end up in other people’s hands, and in some states, it’s even illegal for teens to send explicit photos of themselves. ”[8] X Research source
Pick a private space to have the conversation, ideally somewhere like a car where your teen can look away if they feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t have to be awkward![12] X Trustworthy Source Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Main public health institute for the US, run by the Dept. of Health and Human Services Go to source Discuss sex in terms of your own personal or religious beliefs: “I think you should wait to have sex until you’re married” or “I think you should wait until you’re in college to have sex and can have a more mature view about it. ” Give her knowledge and resources: “When you decide to start having sex, you can always come to me for help getting contraception, or you can talk to your doctor or school health counselor about condoms and/or birth control. " Encourage her to ask questions. When she does, reward her for that: “That’s a great question. I’m glad you came to me. ”[13] X Research source
For instance, ask her: “What would you say if a partner said, ‘How can you say you love me but not want to have sex with me?’” Let her know she can say “no” to any sexual act at any time, for any reason, even if she’s done it before or if she’s in the middle of the act. Talk about the pressures she might feel to have sex: “Social media and your friends might make it seem like everyone’s having sex. Lots of teens don’t have sex until later in life, and you don’t have to do anything physical in order to have a ‘real’ relationship. ” Brainstorm with her about ways to say “no” if she’s not comfortable. For instance, “I’m not comfortable with that” or “I don’t like it when you touch me like that. ”
Describe how changing hormones can create intense feelings: “You might feel really strongly about someone because of all the raging hormones and newness. I’ve been there! But I also want to share that in the long-run, love becomes much more about a shared life, partnership, and commitment…” Reframe dating as an opportunity for self-love and self-knowledge: “Since you’re so young, you don’t need to worry about finding ‘the one. ’ Instead, look at dating as a chance to really get to know yourself and what you value in relationships. ”
Set clear expectations and basic rules like: “You can start dating one-on-one when you turn 16. " “Dates are fine on the weekends; focus on school during the week. " “Text me to let me know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. "
“I expect you not to sleep over at your boyfriend’s house, but I’m willing to hear your thoughts on curfew. What do you think is reasonable?” “Since you’re prepping for Nationals, what do you think is a healthy balance between spending time with Taylor and practicing?”
“I’m here for you if you ever want to talk about boys (or girls) or dating. ” “I want to respect your privacy and your life, but come to me if you ever have questions about sex and dating. ”
“I’d love to meet anyone you’re dating. They’re welcome for dinner, and I promise I’ll be cool. ”
Expressing anxiety about how a partner will react Making excuses for a partner’s bad behavior or substance abuse Feeling pressured to do things she wouldn’t normally do Receiving excessive messages, calls, and visits from her partner Connect with a resource like a school counselor or an organization like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (text START to 88788) if you need more support dealing with this situation. [24] X Trustworthy Source National Domestic Violence Hotline Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse Go to source
