Ask yourself, “How would I act if I didn’t have to worry about being judged?”
Do I trust this friend? Can I be myself around my friend? After we hang out, how do I feel? Do I feel good about myself or do I feel worse?
Encourage them to keep talking: “Tell me more about that!” or “And then what happened?”
“I really want to see you that weekend, but my schedule’s kind of packed. Could we reschedule?” “That party sounds like a lot to me. I’m feeling something more chill. Could we go see a movie instead?”
Ask your friend what they need: “I know things are really hard right now. Is there anything I can do to help?” Physically show up for your friend. Sit with your friend through a tough moment, take a walk with them, or go with them to a stressful appointment or event.
Show up for any of their big games, presentations, concerts, award ceremonies, etc. Buy them coffee or bring them a snack when they do something great at work or school. Write them a congrats card for the important accomplishments in their life (like getting a job, graduating, getting engaged or married).
Practice accepting yourself and any mixed feelings: “I feel sad that I didn’t get the promotion, but I’m actually really happy for Erica. ” Refocus on gratitude: “I’m definitely not in as good of a financial place as Deon, but I’m really grateful for the lessons I’ve learned about hard work and being frugal. ” Use those feelings of competition as a chance to start a deeper conversation: “Hey, you’ve probably noticed I’ve been distant lately. I just want you to know I really support you, but it’s been hard for me seeing you start a family because that’s something I’ve always wanted…”
Talk to your friend about your favorite memory. [10] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good in Action An initiative by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center promoting science-based practices for a meaningful life Go to source Ask your friend to play a game where you take turns describing 5 positive traits of the other person. Share your goals or dreams with your friend. Talk to your friend about your childhood or family situation.
“I actually have a different perspective on that. I see where you’re coming from, though. ” “That movie wasn’t my favorite, but tell me more about why you liked it! Maybe it’ll change my mind. ”
Try to understand their point of view: “I’d never thought about it that way. How’d you figure that out?” Look for areas of common ground: “It sounds like we both agree we need to spend more time together. ” Express your feelings if the conflict heats up and, if you need, take a time out: “I’m getting pretty frustrated by this, so I’m not in a good place to talk. Can we come back to this later?”
Explain how you were wrong and say you’re sorry: “I’m really sorry I wasn’t there for opening night at the theater. ” Tell your friend you understand the impact your mistake had: “I know you were disappointed and hurt. ” Describe how you’ll make it up or avoid making the mistake in the future: “It won’t happen again, and I brought you celebration cupcakes because I believe in your show!”
