If there’s something you appreciate about your parents, tell them. Say things like, “That was a really great dinner, Dad. Thanks for taking the time to cook for us. ” Little gestures like giving your parents a hug, doing a chore without being asked, or saying “I love you” are simple ways to show you care. When you show appreciation or gratitude for something your parents do, they’ll want to keep doing it! Always speak up when they do something nice for you.
Sometimes it helps to get moving when you’re upset. Try going for a run or a bike ride until you calm down. If you’re really mad, try punching your pillow, pounding on some Play-Doh, or squeezing a stress ball as hard as you can. Writing down your feelings can also help you feel better. You could even write a letter to your parents letting out all the things you want to say to them, but don’t show it to them. Put it away somewhere or tear it up when you’re done.
For example, instead of playing a video game or turning on the TV when you’re done with school, say something like, “Hey Mom, do you want to go for a walk with me?” or “Would you guys like to play a board game?” Try not to just talk to your parents about problems or negative things in your life. Let them know about something funny that happened in school, tell them about a cool book you’re reading, or ask them to tell you stories about when they were kids. [4] X Research source
For example, say something like, “Mom, when you yell at me like that, I feel scared and angry. ”
For example, instead of saying something like, “You’re so mean! You never let me do anything!” try something like, “I feel frustrated and upset when I ask to visit my friends and you say no. It means a lot to me to spend time with them. ” Also try to stay away from words like “always” or “never”—since it’s probably not true that your parents always or never do a certain thing! Stick to one specific thing that’s bothering you instead of exaggerating or making general complaints.
For example, it’s probably better to talk in the evening after school and work instead of in the morning when everyone is rushing to get ready. If you’re having trouble finding a good time, ask your parents when you can talk. Say something like, “Dad, there’s something important I want to talk to you about. Do you have a few minutes after dinner?”
If you feel your temper starting to rise, take a few slow, deep breaths. You can also try counting slowly backwards from 10 in your head. You can also say something like, “I’m starting to feel really upset, and I don’t want to yell. I need to leave the room for a minute and calm down. ” Staying calm during an argument or a tough conversation is really hard, and it takes practice to get good at it! Don’t be mad at yourself if you struggle with this at first.
While your parent is talking, don’t interrupt them or try to contradict them. If you want, you can give them signals to let them know you’re listening, like nodding or saying “uh huh” or “okay. ” Try repeating what they said in your own words to let them know you understood. For example, if your dad says, “You’re always messing around on your phone during dinner. It’s so disrespectful!” say something like, “I hear you, Dad. You don’t like it when I spend so much time on the phone. I’ll try not to do that from now on. ”
You could say something like, “I know it bothers you when my room is messy, but I’m always really tired after school. Can you let me take a nap when I get home instead of asking me to pick up right away?” Listen to your parents’ ideas, too. If they feel like you value what they have to say, they’re more likely to take you seriously.
During your break, take time to think about what went wrong and how you can avoid it next time. Think about different strategies you can try when you talk to your parents again.
Take time to do things you enjoy, even if that means just spending a few minutes a day reading your favorite book, watching funny videos online, or chatting with a friend. Don’t forget to do basic things to take care of yourself, like getting enough sleep, eating healthy snacks, and getting physical activity.
It’s never okay for your parents to hurt you physically, or even say they are going to. Hitting, pushing, grabbing, kicking, and threats are all forms of abuse. [14] X Research source If this is happening, don’t try to talk to your parents about it. Tell someone right away. If your parents often scream or yell at you, call you mean names, put you down, or ignore you when you’re hurt or upset, tell someone. These are also abusive behaviors, and they’re not okay.
