For example, instead of saying, “I’ll always love you,” or, “I need a break,” say something like, “I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore,” or, “This didn’t work out and I want us to go our separate ways. " Keep this conversation short. The longer you stay and talk, the more she’ll try to convince you to change your mind.
She might cry or sound distraught, but don’t give in and communicate or she’ll continue to bother you.
For instance, if you like one of her photos or respond to a tweet, she might think that you’re still interested in her so it’s better not to engage.
You don’t need to keep this up forever. Once your ex gets the idea that it’s over, you can totally go back to your daily routine.
For example, if your ex-girlfriend texts you a dozen times and you respond to her latest text, she’ll think that if she messages you enough, you’ll respond.
Don’t bad-mouth your ex, but do be honest about the things that are bothering you. For instance, you might say something like, “I’m not sure Aisha can accept that things are really over. She’s still calling and messaging me pretty frequently, and I’m concerned things will escalate. " If you think your ex is getting information about you from a mutual friend—like someone is telling her what you’re posting on social media or where you’re hanging out—don’t share anything private with that person.
If you’ve got mutual friends that keep trying to put you in touch with your ex, you may need to cut off contact with them, too, especially if they don’t support you.
Try saying something like, “Janelle, this is going too far. Calling my phone 80 times a day is stalking behavior and it’s not okay. I’ve printed out a copy of the call logs, and if you keep doing this, I’m going to the police to take legal action. " Once you say this, don’t respond to anything else she says.
Even if you don’t think the situation will escalate, it’s a good idea to start taking screenshots as soon as it becomes clear she’s not taking the breakup well. That way, if things do get worse, you’ll have every incident documented.
You can also do activities that help you feel calm and balanced. Make more time for your favorite hobbies or focus your energies on learning something new. Challenging yourself to try something new can be a welcome distraction.
Remind her that you can’t get back together with her just because she’s upset. You want to move on with your life and with the right mental health services, she can too. If your ex is threatening to hurt herself, get in touch with her family immediately so they can find resources to help her.
If you can’t afford a lawyer, ask the court staff to help you fill out the restraining order forms. They’ll also explain how the court hearing will proceed.
