You don’t have to be mean, pointed, or sassy when you deliver your criticism. Keep an even and polite tone like you would for anyone else—they’ll still be irritated by it. A narcissist will probably lash out to defend themselves against the criticism. They’ll try to criticize you back or blame their shortcomings on something else.
You’re more likely to gain the respect of a narcissist when you fill the role of a superior rather than an equal. For extra impact, position yourself as a leader on a team at work, in a group project, or on a sports team or planning committee. Your status will intimidate and aggravate the narcissist.
For example, say “no” when they tell you to run an errand for them to empower yourself and draw a boundary around what you’re willing to do. Saying “no” is different than simply defying their request. If they tell you to run an errand and you just don’t do it without saying anything, they’ll use that to justify their self-victimization and to criticize your “cruel” behavior.
When you ignore a narcissist, they’ll try to reach out to you excessively. It might be satisfying to watch them flounder at first, but their messages will turn uglier and more hurtful the longer you hold out. If your goal is to break off your relationship with the narcissist entirely, this is the best route to go.
Ignore your moral standards for now (a narcissist will only turn them against you). Focus on one thing—no one beats reality. The narcissist will do or say anything to try and humiliate you back. Be prepared for insults and false claims about your character or actions. Narcissists are charming, and people who didn’t witness this interaction might not believe it happened. The narcissist will use that to “prove” you are crazy or unstable.
At work, this could be something like selling more products than them, earning a promotion over them, or becoming employee of the month. In school, this might look like earning higher grades, being elected leader of a club they’re in, or cultivating a good relationship with a teacher they like. In your personal or social life, you can network with more influential people, grow a larger social media following, or build stronger relationships than them.
This is extra effective if you’re dating or flirting with a narcissist. Subtly touch another person’s arm or compliment another person in front of the narcissist to trigger their insecurity. Narcissists are especially envious of people with confidence and emotional intelligence (things they desperately want but don’t know how to get). Flaunt your social prowess and strong personal relationships to make them jealous. [7] X Research source
“The boss will be so impressed with you if you can cover my shift this weekend. ” “Can you help decorate for the gala? You just have an eye for design that no one else has. ” “You’ll be an absolute hero if you can pick me up from the airport next week!”
A narcissist will claim or blame anything to justify their loss. If you did rig the game to beat them, make sure they don’t find out! If you’d rather stick to your morals and not cheat, challenge them to something you’re positive you can beat them at, like trivia in a niche category or a specific athletic contest you excel in.
Narcissists want emotional reactions or personal information to use against you later. If they can’t get these, they’ll leave you alone. This is a good tactic to use when you want to make a narcissist suffer but can’t get away from them or call them out.
Forgiving and forgetting makes you the ultimate “bigger person,” and that is something a narcissist will never be.
Practicing gratitude for the good things in your life. Taking care of your physical health with good sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Breathing exercises and meditation to clear your mind and calm your body. Allowing your friends, family, and support networks to lift you up. Seeing a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your experiences and move on.
