“Thanks so much. I’ll keep that in mind!” “Sounds like we’re on the same page. Could we move on?” “I get what you’re saying. Let’s keep going. "
Avoid hostile body language, like crossing your arms, pointing your fingers, or moving into your coworker’s personal space.
Try to set any assumptions aside. Your coworker might not have ill intentions. In fact, they might not realize they’re being condescending!
Write down what your coworker said or did. Write down everything you feel that was wrong about what they said. Write down anything that could be true about what they said.
How likely are they to change? If they’ve responded to feedback poorly in the past, it might not be worth trying to get them to change now. Do they treat everyone like this? If so, their condescending behavior might be part of their communication style and personality. Is this behavior common in your company? If the culture of your company feels patronizing, your coworker’s behavior is just a symptom of a larger issue. Am I willing to accept feedback and change my own behavior? This conversation will be a two-way street. If you can go into it with an open mind, that’s a great sign.
Say something like, “I’d like to talk to you about team dynamics. When would be a good time for us to chat?” Consider meeting someplace “neutral,” like a local coffee shop, a bench outside your workplace, or an unoccupied conference room. If your coworker has crossed the line from condescension into bullying, harassment or discrimination, go to your supervisor or HR representative rather than talking 1-1. [9] X Research source
“This morning, I noticed you spent a lot of time walking me through our marketing strategy. ” “I’ve noticed you’ve been calling me ‘sweetie’ lately. I heard you use that nickname during our meeting with sponsors this afternoon. ” “Earlier, I noticed that you talked over me during lunch with our manager. ”
“I felt frustrated by your explanation, because I went through the same training as everyone else here, so I feel pretty familiar with the guidelines. ” “I feel disrespected when you use juvenile nicknames for me, especially in front of customers. ” “I feel devalued when you talk over me, because it makes me feel like this company doesn’t value my input. ”
“I understand our marketing strategy for this quarter. Could you explain why you walked me through it again? Is there something I’m missing?” “Could you help me understand where that nickname comes from?” “To make sure we’re on the same page, I’d love to hear your perspective on what happened at lunch. ”
“Moving forward, I’ll make sure to ask questions when I don’t understand something, so you don’t have to automatically explain terms. How does that sound to you?” “Rather than calling me by a nickname, I’d like you to call me by my real name. Can you understand where I’m coming from?” “I’d like to feel like I have a voice on this team. How can we work together so that you and I both get to talk during meetings?”
Give yourself credit for your accomplishments. Save the positive email from your boss or write down the kind comment from a happy customer. [16] X Trustworthy Source Cleveland Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Try not to compare yourself and your job performance to your coworkers’.
Set aside a time to talk in private: “I’d really appreciate your input on something. Do you have 20 minutes to talk this week?”[18] X Research source Bring up your issue concisely, without putting down your coworker: “I’ve been struggling a bit while working with Mark. I’ve noticed he tends to interrupt me and roll his eyes at my ideas. ” Ask for your supervisor’s help or advice: “How would you approach this situation?” or “Do you have any advice on how he and I can work together more effectively?”
