A loser may throw temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. If they blow up over not getting exactly what they want, they’re probably not worth keeping around. A good partner may still express anger, but they’ll do it in a way that’s respectful and fair. There’s a big difference between, “I’m upset about something you said last night, can we talk about it?” and, “You were such a jerk last night. I can’t believe you. ”
Laziness can apply to how they behave in the relationship on an emotional level, too. If they never check in with you to see how your day was, or you’re always texting/calling them first, that’s lazy. A loser won’t prepare ahead of time, and they’ll put off important work until the very last minute.
Non-losers usually have enough friends, hobbies, and responsibilities that it doesn’t feel like they’re always available. If they always text you back right away and they’re willing to drop everything to talk or hang out, they might be excessively clingy. A loser might even say “I love you” way before it’s appropriate in the relationship. This is a kind of extreme form of clinginess you might run into. Don’t mistake early infatuation with clinginess. If you haven’t been going out super long, their “clinginess” may just be a huge attraction to you.
Losers have poor impulse control when it comes to money. If you see them making silly purchases without really thinking about it, it may be a worrisome sign. A loser might even ask you to borrow money. That’s a huge sign something is off and this person probably isn’t date material. It’s possible for a regular person to be a bit of a big spender. If this is the only red flag, they may just bad with money.
Pay attention to how they treat servers, valet parking people, and folks in the retail industry. If they’re mean or dismissive of them for no reason, they’re definitely a loser. If someone asks them for directions on the street or a stranger approaches them with a question and they just totally ignore them, take note.
A loser may even lash out at you when you ask about their plans for their career, schooling, or passion projects (if they have any).
Pay attention to the reason they cancel when they do. Something like, “My dog is sick,” is pretty reasonable. An excuse like, “I’m tired,” or, “I don’t feel like it,” isn’t. They may also be slightly dismissive or resistant to fun activities or trips you want to take.
They may act totally surprised when you ask them if they’re excited about dates, parties, or events you reminded them about multiple times. Losers won’t even be thoughtful enough to come up with a good excuse. If they consistently miss things and their excuses are just awful, it’s a big red flag.
They may give you fantastical and ridiculous explanations of how other people “have it out for them” when things don’t go their way. This isn’t to say that it’s a bad sign if they vent to you every once in a while about people who bother them. That’s totally normal behavior from someone you’re dating.
If your date is very open with the way they feel and they’re capable of articulating difficult or messy feelings, they’re probably comfortable with who they are, which is a very good sign that they aren’t a loser.
Unless they were cheated on or traumatized, a decent partner should either have no feelings at all about their ex, or say polite and friendly things when you ask them about their ex.
Think about how much courage it takes to tell someone you don’t like their significant other. If your friends and family are speaking up about this person, it’s a worrisome sign.
