Asking when he got divorced is a pretty simple question, but beyond that, leave it up to him to share the dirty details. As much as you might want to know about it, respect his privacy. He’ll tell you when he’s ready. How long it takes someone to process a divorce depends on how messy the divorce was and how long they were married. Generally, if he’s been divorced for less than a year, those emotional issues are more likely to come up. He should be straight up about the details of his divorce.
If you’ve been single or dating for a while, be ready to give him some pointers—he’ll appreciate them. He also might not have a lot of great ideas for dates at first, especially if he hasn’t dated in quite some time. To go along with this, it’s also possible that he hasn’t been romantically involved with anyone but his ex-partner for as long as they’ve been married. It might feel “weird” for him, and that’s okay! Just reassure him that these things take time to adjust to.
For example, if you regularly volunteer with a community organization or an animal shelter, something like that would be likely to impress him. Having a good reputation in your community and at work will also mean a lot to him. He’ll like that these things show your reliability and dependability.
It might be that he’s not interested in getting serious yet either, and that’s totally fine. But if he’s interested in a serious relationship and you’re not, he likely won’t want to take things much further. Don’t think him being divorced means he doesn’t want to commit. Many divorced men would love to have the opportunity to try marriage again and get it right. But even if he’s not interested in getting married again any time soon, the fact that he stayed married for a while shows he’s commitment-minded. [6] X Research source
If they have kids, having a positive relationship is all the more important. If you end up dating for several months or years, you’ll likely be in contact with them too. You don’t have to be their best friend, but keep things civil and cordial. It’s normal to have some feelings of jealousy or resentment, especially at first when you’re still pretty insecure about his feelings for you. But keep in mind that his ex is a part of his past, and you are a part of his future.
Be willing to cut him some slack on this. For example, he might have to cancel a date because he needs to stay late at work to finish a project. Hopefully, things will only come up every once in a while, but when they do, he’ll appreciate that you’re understanding about it.
Support his decisions and show him that you recognize what’s important to him and you have similar values. For example, if he has to cancel a date because one of his kids is sick, you might say, “I completely understand. You have to put your kids first. We can go out another time. " Likewise, if he’s held up late at work, you might say, “I totally understand how important your work is. You can go ahead and come over here when you’re done if you want—I’ll make you something to eat. "
Patience is the key here, especially if he doesn’t seem to be on the same timeframe as you are. It might seem like he’s emotionally unavailable, but he’s really just trying to hold back until he’s more sure about things and trusts you more.
If you’re dating, this is a good thing, because it means he likes and wants to spend time with you. But if there are things about him that annoy you, make your peace with the fact that those things probably aren’t going to change. He’s probably pretty set in his ways. A lot of men in their 40s like for things to be pretty predictable. If you’re much younger, this might seem a bit boring to you. You can encourage him to try some new things, but don’t push too much if he seems resistant.
If you’re also in your 30s or 40s, you’re probably in the same place. However, if you’re in your 20s and hoping to have kids of your own, this might be a dealbreaker. Get his thoughts on having kids early on in the relationship, before you get too emotionally attached to him.
When he does introduce you to his family, let them warm up to you in their own time. There might be some anger and bitterness going back to the divorce that has nothing to do with you.
Controlling behavior: He tries to tell you who you can hang out with or talk to, how you should dress, or how you should act. Irresponsible or impulsive behavior: He makes poor decisions, has a hard time holding on to a job, or can’t control his finances. Abusive behavior: He insults you, yells at you, refuses to listen to you, or physically assaults you. If he gets angry easily or flies off the handle at next to no provocation, that’s a sign he might be abusive in the future. Make sure that the guy you’re dating is honest and forthcoming, too. You also shouldn’t feel like you have to make excuses for him.
