You can bring up issues in the relationship by saying something like, “Hey honey, could we sit down and talk later this evening? I have a few things I’d like to chat with you about, just to make sure we’re on the same page. ” To avoid putting your spouse on the defensive, use “I” statements. [3] X Expert Source Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCCMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 7 August 2019. For instance, instead of saying, “You always come home late,” you might say, “When you stay out late without telling me where you’re going, I feel worried. ”
For example, if you want to talk about your intimacy (or lack thereof) but also about your stress levels, pick one and save the other for a different time.
Show that you’re listening to your partner by asking follow-up questions like, “Interesting. Can you tell me more?” or, “I’m not sure I understand. Could you explain that again?”
For instance, if the issue is that you feel you do more chores around the house than your spouse does, you might create a chore list that you both work on throughout the week. That way, you can both see how many chores the two of you are doing, and you both feel like you’re equally contributing to the household.
For example, maybe you like to clean up the house at the end of each day, while your partner prefers to do a big cleanup at the end of the week. You two might discuss this a lot over your relationship, but it’s not necessarily a bad thing—it’s just a difference in preferences.
Remember that forgiveness isn’t telling your partner that their actions are okay—it’s allowing yourself to move on instead of hanging onto old feelings.
It might help to make a list of what the both of you do day by day. That way, you can see how many tasks each of you are doing throughout the week.
You could say something like, “I think it’s important that we talk about how we’ll raise our child. Do you want to discuss some things with me?”
It helps if you know your partner’s love language. For instance, if their love language is physical touch, they might appreciate a shoulder rub or a massage. Or, if their love language is acts of service, you might do some chores around the house.
Have breakfast in bed together Surprise your partner with small gifts Plan a weekend getaway trip Give your partner compliments Have a candlelit dinner at home
If it helps, you could even make a physical list on paper to look at every time you need a pick-me-up. For instance, your list might say: makes me breakfast on Sundays, is a great parent, is very patient with the kids, is an awesome cook.
For instance, if you and your spouse often fight when you have to stay late at work, you may be dedicating too much time to your job and not enough time for your spouse. You could work on that by reevaluating your schedule and prioritizing quality time with your partner.
It’s not uncommon to start looking for a “way out” of the marriage when things get tough. Keep in mind, though, that almost all long-term relationships go through rough patches at one point or another, and most of them make it through to the other side.
You can also focus on self-care and do things that don’t take much time at all. Spend 10 to 15 minutes soaking in a bubble bath, reading a good book, taking a walk, or listening to music.
A couple’s counselor can also give you real, concrete tips to help you work through your specific problems as a couple.
