Dismissive-avoidant: This is the more common type of avoidant attachment style. They tend to push everyone away and rely only on themselves. Someone with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style probably doesn’t have many close friendships or relationships. Fearful/anxious-avoidant: This is the rarer type of avoidant attachment style. They tend to push people away, then pull them back in for fear of losing them. They might have a few close friendships and relationships that they often struggle with.

It’s important to respect your differences, too. Your partner may do or say things that you don’t understand, and that’s okay. The important thing is that you both respect each other without judgment. You can really make a big impact on them if you can validate and understand their avoidant behavior and give plenty of space, slow down, and affirm what they are trying to do. [5] X Expert Source Casey LeeLicensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Expert Interview. 20 June 2022.

When your partner is talking, practice active listening by making eye contact and asking follow-up questions.

When you make plans, always stick to them. Try not to be late. Don’t talk about your partner behind their back. Be honest about where you are and who you’re with.

“In order for me to feel secure in our relationship, I’d really like it if we saw each other at least 3 times a week. How does that sound to you?” “I really like it when we text each other throughout the day. Do you think you could text me at least a few times a day, just to let me know what you’re up to?”

“How are you feeling about our relationship?” “Is there anything you wanted to bring up with me?” “Are your emotional needs being met in this relationship?”

If you notice that your partner looks distressed or anxious, try asking, “Do you need some alone time?” That way, they’ll know that you understand their needs, and they can tell you what they need at the moment. In their mind, they are afraid things can get worse and escalate in your relationship if they don’t pull away or shut down. You need to have empathy and work with them. [11] X Expert Source Casey LeeLicensed Professional Counselor (LPC) Expert Interview. 20 June 2022.

“I felt a little bit frustrated earlier when I couldn’t get ahold of you. It makes me worried when I don’t know where you are. ” “I was upset when you canceled our plans yesterday. Could we talk?” Your partner’s avoidance is likely due to both biological vulnerabilities and past painful experiences that created uncomfortable emotions. [14] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.

“Thanks for opening up to me. I know it wasn’t easy for you, and I really value your trust. ” “I’m so happy you came to dinner with me. I love spending time with you. ”

Signing up for a couple’s cooking class Joining an art club Going zip lining Forming a book club

Plus, this will give your partner the alone time that they probably need.

If your partner doesn’t want to go to therapy on their own, suggest couple’s counseling instead. That way, you can both talk to a professional and focus on your relationship.