You could say, “Hi, how are you? I wondered if you wanted to hang out and talk soon. Is that cool with you?” If they aren’t ready to work on the friendship yet, give them space. You can reach out again later.
Let your friend know that you get where they are coming from. This will let them know that you really do want to repair the friendship. You might tell them that you are taking time to process your feelings and figuring out the best way for you to handle your emotions. You can add that you’re also trying to better understand their perspective.
Maybe the friendship went awry because your crush started to spend time with someone they’re dating. You could try saying something like, “I feel like we’ve drifted apart since Sam came into your life. I get that, but I want you to know that I’d really like us to get back to the way we were. ” Or, for example, maybe your friend just stopped hanging out with you and you’re not sure why. That can feel hurtful, but maybe they are dealing with something that you don’t know about. Try saying, “Hey, you haven’t been responding to my texts lately. Is everything okay? Let me know how you’re doing. " Your friend might have a different perspective on the issue, so make sure you’re willing to listen to their side, too.
For example, maybe you got upset when your friend started dating someone new. Say something like, “I’m really sorry that I wasn’t more supportive of you. I pulled away because I felt awkward. I know that probably hurt, and I’d really like us to work on rebuilding our friendship. ” Only say sorry if you mean it. Don’t apologize for something that you didn’t do.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to forgive right away. Just be open to the possibility of healing. Let your friend know that you’re still hurt, but you do want to mend the friendship. [7] X Expert Source Courtney QuinlanMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 27 August 2021. This doesn’t mean that you have to forget what happened. You can be willing to forgive but see a need to set new boundaries going forward.
It’s okay to let them know that you have a crush on them (if they didn’t already know). Just explain that you are comfortable being just friends. If you’re upset about something, share that with them. Honesty is an important part of a real friendship.
Make eye contact when they talk and nod your head at times to show that you are really listening. Ask follow-up questions if you’re not sure what they mean or if you need them to elaborate. You can even say something like, “We haven’t hung out much lately. Did I do something to bother you?”
If they are flirting with you, nicely ask them to stop. Say, “If we really want to keep this friendship going, we’ve got to stop flirting. I hope you understand. "
This might sound hard, but try not to stress. You’re not cutting them out of your life, you’re just taking a breath. If you used to meet up once a week, try scaling back to once every other week. Maybe you used to text every single day. Try only hitting them up a couple times a week while you work things out.
You can tell them, “I get that you might start dating someone. I just want to let you know that’s not going to impact our friendship. ” If you don’t want to hear about their relationship, or you’re not ready to be introduced to their new partner, it’s totally okay to say that. Those are perfectly fine boundaries to set. If this feels too tough to you, you might not be ready to have a real friendship with this person. That is okay! Take some time to focus on yourself. [14] X Expert Source Courtney QuinlanMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
Maybe you used to love going to movies together. Ask your friend if they’re up for a double-feature and offer to buy the popcorn. If music was something that you shared, ask them if they want to go check out a live show.
Make it a point to check in with your friend and ask them how they are doing. You might want to do this once a week, or maybe even every couple of weeks. Do what feels right for you. Set aside time to spend with them on a regular basis. This is a personal decision, but make sure to not let several weeks or even months go by without hanging out. That could create distance, and that probably won’t help fix the friendship. [17] X Expert Source Courtney QuinlanMatchmaker & Dating Coach Expert Interview. 27 August 2021.
