Taking a minute to collect your thoughts before responding to a passive-aggressive coworker Leaving the room if you feel you can’t respond in a constructive way[4] X Expert Source Jeffrey FerminMarketing Manager, AllVoices Expert Interview. 11 July 2022. Changing the topic after feeling insulted by saying something like, “I disagree with your assessment of me, but let’s talk about something else. ” Practicing mindfulness exercises to restore your sense of inner peace.
There might be a motive for why your coworker is acting this way. For example, they may be feeling frustrated over having not been promoted for a while. Your coworker might also be dealing with personal issues. Remember to not sink to their level and fight fire with fire. Acting compassionately will leave you with no regrets.
If your coworker says, “It’s cute that you think that this plan will work,” interpret their message as expressing doubts about the plan you have, not as a personal attack. If your coworker says, “I feel like the only competent person here,” interpret their message as saying something along the lines of, “I don’t feel like I can count on my teammates. ” If your coworker says, “I’m too good for this job,” interpret their message as saying something like, “I’m looking for more challenge in my work. ”
Offering your coworker praise when they do something well Steering clear of gossipy or negative behavior at work Being open, kind, and constructive when you communicate a problem at work
“I realize that there may have been a communication problem on my end, but please remember to send me updates each day on your half of the project. ” “I know that our boss never talked about job expectations after we got hired, but remember that covering extra shifts when necessary was part of the initial job description. ” “I really appreciate that you want to keep your personal life separate from the job, but part of being on this team means celebrating our coworkers’ achievements together with them. ”
For example, you might say something like, “I’m a bit worried that you may be feeling upset. Can I ask you what’s on your mind?” Remember that people are generally toxic for a reason. Your worker may be experiencing issues at home unrelated to work.
“I’ve noticed that you’ve seemed pretty negative about some of our recent projects. Would you be willing to talk to me about this?” “I heard that you’ve been unhappy with our work relationship. I’d like to find a way to work through this with you. ” “I’ve felt like we’ve been experiencing some communication difficulties. Let’s see if we can come up with a solution to improve our relationship. ” It can be helpful to role-play this conversation in advance with a friend, family member, or a therapist. [11] X Expert Source Julia Yacoob, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 July 2021.
For example, if you have a loud and disruptive coworker, this might mean wearing headphones at work, changing where you sit, or altering your lunch break time. [13] X Expert Source Julia Yacoob, PhDClinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 15 July 2021. Set boundaries with your passive-aggressive coworker with what you’re willing to tolerate. [14] X Expert Source Jeffrey FerminMarketing Manager, AllVoices Expert Interview. 11 July 2022.
Keep your documentation strictly limited to the facts. Rather than writing something like, “She had a bad attitude today,” make a timestamped note saying something like, “She arrived to our meeting 20 minutes late. ” For example, if your coworker ignores your e-mails asking for updates on their side of a project, keep your e-mail thread with them saved.
“I’ve been running into an issue where I’ve had my work for our projects completed on schedule, but Anna hasn’t been updating me about when I can expect her to finish her parts of the work. ” “I think there’s been a communication issue with Jeff that I can’t resolve. He hasn’t been responding to my messages, even when there are deadlines approaching. ” “I’ve been struggling to make my expectations clear with Sonia. It seems like she would rather work directly with you instead of taking my position as team lead seriously. ”
Although gossiping about your passive-aggressive coworker with a colleague might make you feel better in the short term, it can hurt your chances of improving the relationship in the future. Keep your conversations with your other coworkers positive and unrelated to your coworker. Dwelling on your passive-aggressive coworker can make you feel worse.
If your coworker has been causing you serious stress and anxiety, seeking mental health support can really help you manage your emotions. You deserve to feel happy and comfortable.
