“No. No way. Absolutely not. Thank you. No. ” “I just watched a TED talk about saying ‘no. ’ Let me practice…No” “Under no circumstance will I be doing that. ” “I’d like to not say ‘no,’ but then I’d have to say yes. ”

“I’m actually in a relationship right now. I’m married to the sea. ” “I can’t go out with you; my partner is a cop and they’d totally lock you up for dating me. ” “No, sorry, my partner is a heavyweight boxer and they tend to take it out on people who try to date me. It’s for your safety, really. ”

You can swap this one out to be whoever you want. You can get as wild with it as you’d like!

“My best friend is a fortune teller and they said I need some alone time. ” “Are you a Taurus with a Scorpio Rising? No? Darn, I guess I have to say no. ”

You could also literally say you don’t speak English in another language, although they might not get the joke. In person, shouting back something like “Non parlo inglese!” (Italian for “I don’t speak English”) can produce some interesting results, though! If they respond to your “Sorry, I don’t speak English,” with, “You just spoke English,” you could reply with: “No I didn’t. ” “That’s like…your opinion. ”

“I can’t go out with you. I’m actually an undercover cop on an incredibly important mission. ” “I’d love to go out, but I’m actually taking a vow of silence next week. ” “Ah, bad timing, my friend. I go into the witness protection program on Monday. ”

“I would, but I’ve got a trained assassin hunting me down. ” “You know how sometimes a judge makes you agree to not do something while you’re on parole? Yeah, that’s dating for me right now. ”

You could also reply to the “I’m not a stranger” line with, “Really? You seem pretty strange to me. ”

“I’m not sure, but if you ask me again in two years I might say yes. ” “Why don’t you come back when my schedule opens up in 2042. ” “Yes. I’d love to go out with you. Unfortunately, my calendar is a little full for the next decade. ”

“I would give you my phone number, but I don’t believe in technology. I actually keep a live rooster in my apartment because I don’t even want to plug in an alarm clock. ” “I would totally go on a date with you, but I don’t believe in dates. I don’t really like dating as a whole, that’s why I refuse to acknowledge calendars. ”

“I’m going to say no. If this is a preview of what a date with you is like, I think I’m good. ” “I’d agree to go out with you, but you have to impress me. You have 10 seconds. Go. ”

“No, I only date people who have something interesting to say. ” “I’d say we should go out, but then I’d have to spend time with you. ” “I try to avoid hanging out with people who creep me out. ” “I would totally go out with you, but I can’t. I have to be attracted to my dates. ”