Understand that it may take weeks or even months to feel better—this is all part of the healing process. Don’t punish yourself if you’re still feeling bad months after being discarded. Everyone heals at their own pace, but everyone does heal.
If you end up thinking “I’m worthless,” tell yourself “I know I have value. ” If you think “I’m a bad partner,” remind yourself “I’ve demonstrated care in relationships all my life. ” If you feel “I’m a terrible daughter,” say to yourself “I’ve always done my best to be good to my parents. ”
These feelings of anger may disappear over time, but it’s better to direct that anger at the narcissist than yourself.
When you’re feeling down over being discarded, call a friend or family member, or meet up with them for coffee or a hangout. Remember that your friends and family are there for you. Narcissists are incapable of empathy, so you might have developed a habit of hiding any pain you’re in. But most people are not narcissists, and will be glad to help you feel better.
When you’re with a narcissist, you end up spending much of your time catering to their whims and trying to keep them happy. Practicing self-care is an important part of reminding yourself that your own happiness matters too.
Volunteering is also a great way to improve your confidence and self-esteem. When we volunteer, we’re naturally reminded of our own strength and ability to care for others.
“My family is important to me, and I won’t let anyone force me to sacrifice my time and attention for them. ” “I won’t feel pressured into showing intimacy or affection to people when I don’t want to. I am not a bad partner for wanting my own space. ” “I won’t sacrifice my career for the sake of keeping other people happy. I love my work, and I won’t let guilt derail me. ”
Sending the narcissist a message or giving them a call letting them know that you’re not interested in continuing your relationship is okay, but you can also just slowly stop contacting them.
Journaling is a great way of getting your thoughts out on paper. Start jotting down your thoughts about the kind of love you were raised with, and see if it leads you to new reflections.
Moving on can take a lot of different forms depending on what your relationship was to a narcissist. If you were in a romantic relationship, it might look like dating other people when you’re ready. If you were in a friendship, it might mean nurturing your other friendships or creating new ones.
