It’s not fun to ruminate on instances of your toxic behavior. If you’re overwhelmed, remember that you’re human and your circumstances at the time caused you to lash out. It can feel embarrassing or vulnerable to admit to mistakes, but remember that they’re part of learning and growing. [2] X Research source
It’s important to feel your guilt in order to let it go. If you try to avoid or suppress it, it will only linger and fester longer. Try not to dwell on your guilt. An endless loop of negative emotions like guilt is linked to decreased emotional health and psychological well-being.
Expressing the pain or guilt you feel about what you did by journaling or venting to a friend. Writing a “spew letter” (a letter to yourself detailing all of your negative thoughts about your toxic behavior). Read it out loud to yourself, sit with it for a while, and then throw it out. [7] X Research source Moving or exercising your body in a way that feels good to clear your mind—try yoga, dancing, cardio, or anything that brings you joy.
Focus on living in the moment. When bad memories creep in, tell yourself, “It’s OK that that happened, but now I’m focusing on my happiness. ” You may need to make this decision more than once if your guilt creeps back in. Keep choosing to move forward and treat yourself with kindness.
Explain yourself and your actions without getting defensive and tell the person you’re genuinely sorry. End by asking them to forgive you. [11] X Research source Give the other person a chance to respond and communicate their feelings without interrupting or trying to correct them. Remember, the other person does not have to accept your apology. You can’t control how they feel or react to you, but you can feel proud that you did the right thing and apologized.
For example, if you spread rumors about someone, you might atone by reaching out to the people you gossiped to and telling them you weren’t being honest. If you can’t do something to help the person you hurt, try doing something for someone else in need. Helping others in any way helps you find peace and repair your self-esteem.
Journaling about your feelings, mistakes, and challenges. Practicing self-care and doing things that make you feel happy and rejuvenated. Giving yourself positive self-talk when you’re feeling negative emotions. [14] X Research source
Practice mindfulness to feel and process your emotions in real time. Having self-awareness can guide you toward productive behavior and reactions. Ask yourself, “What would I do differently? What advice would I give someone in this situation? What habits should I explore to act differently next time?” Recognize that some things are in your power to change, and some are not.
Perform a self-inventory to assess what needs to change. Challenge the narratives, perspectives, and thoughts of yourself and your life that you’ve been harboring. Practice dream liberation. Ask yourself, “What would liberate me from feeling stagnant and what does that dream look like for me in the future?”
List specific ways to make your wants a reality, like reciting positive affirmations every day, practicing new anger management techniques, or exploring new stress coping mechanisms. Check in with the people you value the most to make sure you’re showing up for them as the best version of yourself. You’ll have good days and bad days as you work on yourself. Instead of shaming yourself when you mess up, acknowledge where you fell short and set an intention to keep changing.
Your feelings interfere with your work or relationships. Your mental health affects your physical health. You turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like overeating or substance abuse.
