You can blow off steam by exercising. Go for a run, do a yoga session, or try some other type of exercise you enjoy. Make sure you have some alone time. You can decide how you’ll react to the backstabber when you have a quiet place to think.
There’s no rule for how long you should avoid your relative. The worse a family member backstabs you, the more time you’ll probably need. Make sure that when you do talk to your relative again, you’re feeling comfortable about it and prepared to deal with unpleasant feelings that they might bring up.
Often, those angry and vengeful feelings need time to process. Make a plan for dealing with the backstabbing peacefully. Your initial anger will hopefully pass by the time you finish planning.
Take a moment for introspection at least two or three times. Your feelings will likely change as you process the betrayal, and it’s important to recognize all of them.
Make sure you pick a friend who will validate your feelings without adding fuel to your anger. Your friend should help you calm down—not get you even more worked up.
You may feel comfortable talking to your relative at home, or it may be easier to speak somewhere in public. A coffee shop or restaurant could be a neutral ground to give you both peace of mind when you talk.
You have more control over your words and thoughts when you stay calm. You can also interpret the other person’s words and body language more accurately. If you feel your anger rising, take several deep breaths until the anger isn’t so overpowering. Think of a relaxing memory as you breathe to help calm yourself down. [8] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source
For example, “You lied to everyone and stabbed me in the back!” could become, “I felt hurt when I heard what you said to other members of the family. ” An “I” statement doesn’t absolve your relative of what they did, but it can help ensure they don’t get overly defensive when you talk.
Let your relative speak without interruption, even if they bring up a complaint with you. It can be tough to talk about family issues, but understanding one another is the only way to progress in your relationship.
Showing forgiveness doesn’t mean that your family member was right to backstab you, only that you’re ready to let go of the hurt you feel and possibly build a better relationship with the person who hurt you. You aren’t obligated to forgive people who hurt you, but it will be healing for both you and your relationship with this relative if you try. There’s also no need to rush forgiveness. Processing your feelings and talking them over is important because you’ll minimize your own emotions if you forgive too quickly.
In the end, the decision to forgive or cut ties is yours, so make sure you’re doing what is best for you and your mental health. Cutting ties might also help you to reconcile eventually. If you stop engaging with the backstabber, it may give them the cooling-off period they need to think about their actions and apologize.
Consider attending therapy sessions with the relative who hurt you as well. A therapist can mediate your conflict and make communication easier between you.
