Instead of getting caught up in the little details of your dream, ask yourself how the dream made you feel and how you now feel about the dream. There’s a lot about dreams we still don’t understand, so it’s easy to find widely differing views on how to interpret them. Just remember that having bad dreams, even about people we care about, is extremely common. Dreams rarely are a direct reflection of what is to come or what has already happened. Instead of taking them as literal, try being more curious about the feelings the dream evokes. [3] X Expert Source Samantha Fox, MS, LMFTMarriage & Family Therapist Expert Interview. 19 January 2021.
For example, say you had a dream in which you were getting married and your boyfriend left you at the altar. You might write down that it made you feel shocked and ashamed when you woke up, and makes you feel worried and uneasy when you think about it now. Read through past journal entries each time you have a new dream about your boyfriend. Look for patterns both in the dreams and in how you feel about them.
It’s also possible you’ll find that your boyfriend is both the star and the focus of your dreams. If so, begin thinking about if and how you can start changing your relationship for the better.
If you confide in a friend or loved one, you’ll get compassion and understanding. Talking to a therapist gets you expert guidance on managing your dreams and your feelings. Both are really valuable! Talking about your dreams helps you realize that you’re not alone here—we all have bad dreams, and it’s common for them to involve our significant others.
For example, say you keep having a dream in which your boyfriend turns into a snarling wolf that chases you around your home. You could rewrite it so he becomes a purring cat that curls up next to you. This strategy is sometimes called “imagery rehearsal,” and there’s evidence that it can be effective in altering dreams. [10] X Research source
Try stress-busters like deep breathing, yoga, meditation, religious practices, light exercise, nature walks, soothing music, warm baths, good books, and whatever else works for you.
Set a consistent evening routine, time for going to sleep, and wake-up time. Avoid “screen time” for at least 1 hour before going to sleep. Don’t drink caffeine or alcohol for several hours before bedtime. Avoid eating large meals before bed as well. Sleep in a room that’s dark and comfortably cool, and use comfortable bedding. Add calming activities like taking a warm bath, reading, or listening to soothing music to your bedtime routine.
If you’re suspicious and dreaming that he’s cheating, for example, you might check for physical or behavioral evidence, or use tech to see if he’s on dating sites. Before doing any investigating, take some time to think about how willing you are to invade your boyfriend’s privacy.
For example: “This feels weird to talk about, but I’ve been having this strange dream where you send me flowers at work with a card that says you’re cheating on me. I know it’s not reality and it may mean nothing at all, but I end up feeling anxious each day afterward. ”
If he gets upset and feels like you are blaming him, apologize for the misunderstanding and be even more careful to use “I” statements that focus on what you’re feeling due to the dreams.
In some cases, however, you may realize that ending the relationship is the best option. Even if your dreams aren’t literally predicting the future, they may spur you to reflect on the reality of your relationship and accept that it’s not the best thing for you right now.
