It’s common to look at your partner’s ex and notice all of their best qualities. However, you probably won’t see their faults. At the same time, it’s easy to be critical of yourself. This is a recipe for disaster! Get off the comparison cycle.
If your partner’s profile has old photos up, don’t scroll that far back. Leave all that in the past. You might ask a friend to support you if it’s hard to stop checking the profiles. That way, you can text your friend when you’re feeling tempted so they can talk you out of it. If you’re having trouble stopping, take a break from social media so you aren’t tempted. Plan some fun activities with your friends or work on a hobby to distract yourself from social media.
Ask your friends or loved ones to tell you what they love about you. Write these things down so you won’t forget that you’re wonderful. Let your partner tell you why they love you. You could ask, “What’s your favorite thing about me?” or “What made you fall in love with me?”
You could also distract yourself by spending time with a friend or doing something you enjoy. Feeling jealous is a painful experience, and you don’t deserve to feel this way. Fortunately, this feeling will pass.
You might say, “I can’t stop thinking about how attractive and smart Sam’s ex is. She’s the total package. What if I’m not as good as her?” For another option, you could say, “Last night I saw photos of Alex’s ex on her phone. Now, I’m worried Alex regrets their breakup. ”
You’re afraid your partner might go back to their ex. Your ex cheated on you, so you worry your current partner will, too. You don’t feel confident about yourself, so you worry your partner won’t see your value. Your partner cheated on their ex with you, so you know they’re capable of cheating.
Say something like, “I’m so happy I met you, and I’m having so much fun with you. Lately, I’ve been feeling a little insecure about your ex. I know you’re not still seeing them, but I was hoping we could talk about what ended your relationship. " If your partner did something to make you suspicious, be specific about what bothered you. You could say, “I feel like you’ve been talking about your ex a lot recently. It makes me worry about our relationship. Is there a reason you’re talking about them?” If your partner is sending you mixed signals, tell them that. Say something like, “I’ve noticed you talk to your ex on the phone every day. I thought your relationship was over. Do I need to be worried?” It may be best to re-examine your relationship if your partner isn’t committing fully to you.
Say something like, “We never talked about why you broke up with Angel. What went wrong?” or “I know you and your ex had a mutual breakup, but what triggered it?” Only ask about their past relationship once, and keep your questions minimal. You might ask, “Why did you and your ex break up?” Resist the urge to interrogate your partner because that can harm your relationship. [11] X Research source
For example, you might have date night every Friday night. Stay in contact with your partner between dates. Send each other memes, check up on each other, and ask each other personal questions to build intimacy. You could ask things like, “What 5 things would you bring to a deserted island?” “What’s your dream vacation?” or “What’s your best holiday memory?”
Use positive self-talk. You could say to yourself, “It’s okay to feel jealous right now. In time, these feelings will fade,” or “Everyone gets insecure sometimes. What I’m feeling is totally normal. ”[14] X Expert Source Raffi Bilek, LCSW-CLicensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.
You can find a therapist online. If you have insurance, contact them for a list of therapists in your network.
