Phrases like “I’m sorry that you got upset” or “I’m sorry that you felt bad” that shift the blame to you, rather than to their actions. Empty apologies that simply say “I’m sorry,” without any further substance. An incomplete apology, which goes further than “I’m sorry,” but doesn’t express any regret or give any sign that they plan on changing their behavior in the future. Phrases that deny that the narcissist did anything wrong in the first place, like “It wasn’t my fault”
A complete narcissist won’t be able to empathize with you at all, but if their narcissism hasn’t quite reached that point, you might be able to use this empathy to help rebuild your relationship. [4] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. If the narcissist is unable to give you any sign that they understand your perspective, communicating with them will continue to be a challenge. There is simply not enough room, in the narcissist’s world, for both you and them to have equally important concerns. [5] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018.
For example, if you’re dealing with a narcissist parent, you might say something like, “If our next conversation devolves into a screaming match, and you call me names again, I’m going to have to reduce the frequency of our calls from weekly to monthly. ”
Respect yourself—don’t lie to preserve their feelings, and make it clear that their actions have harmed your relationship. [8] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
You can also say something like, “While I appreciate the time you took to give me this apology, I’m still pretty hurt, and just not ready to accept it at the moment. We might be able to try and repair our relationship in a few months time. ”
Remember that narcissists are often acting out of a place of deep woundedness. This can cause them to harm others, because they themselves are experiencing pain. Have some empathy for this situation, but don’t tolerate any abuse. [11] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020.
If you know you can’t expect affirmation and love from a narcissist, don’t ask them for this when they apologize—instead, seek these things out elsewhere, and ask the narcissist to work on things that may be more manageable, such as respecting your boundaries. [13] X Expert Source Jay Reid, LPCCLicensed Professional Clinical Counselor Expert Interview. 7 August 2020. If you realize that your relationship with a narcissist is costing you far more than it provides, its OK to take a step back from it. This can be especially difficult if the narcissist is in your family, but even limiting your contact can help you feel more secure. [14] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Narcissist’s don’t forgive easily if they feel hurt. If a narcissist pushes away from you, let them—if they do care about you, they’ll come back. [16] X Research source
This is a serious personality disorder, and it takes a lot of therapy and counseling to remove a narcissist’s fixation on a grandiose version of themselves—therapy that most narcissists, unfortunately, are unlikely to commit to. [18] X Research source
A narcissist will try to make you believe you’re a far worse version of yourself, but don’t fall for it. Buying into the narcissist’s vision of who you are will only keep you from removing their hold over you. [20] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
