Did their initial adoration seem excessive? Did they rush you into a commitment? These are classic signs of love-bombing. Don’t blame yourself for getting caught up in their behavior. Wanting to feel desired and attractive is human nature. Love-bombing is effective because it takes advantage of our humanness.
Narcissists lack self-esteem, so they criticize others to build themselves up. They want to undermine your self-esteem—because if they can’t have any, neither can you. Don’t buy into their false narrative. [3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
Narcissists are extremely skilled at making people feel guilty. They’ll convince you that you’re to blame and may even manage to get an apology out of you (even though you had nothing to do with it). Typically, fighting back is futile. Your perspective doesn’t matter to a narcissist; they’ll always double down no matter how much evidence you have to support your innocence. [5] X Research source It’s upsetting to be manipulated this way, but now that you know what to watch for, you can reclaim your power.
Why did they change? Once you invest in the relationship, a narcissist secretly starts to panic. They’re afraid you’ll see who they really are and leave them, so their solution is to make you feel bad first.
Not only will you be unfairly blamed during these conflicts, but the narcissist will also try to rationalize their outbursts. There’s no point in engaging or arguing with them. In their mind, you’re wrong and they’re right, end of story.
Once you start noticing this pattern of behavior, try to refuse their requests as much as you can.
They may also start telling other people that you cheated on them, or spread other malicious lies, to devalue you and ruin your reputation in the process. [10] X Research source
Tone policing: they tell you that you’re overreacting or to calm down as a way to invalidate your feelings. For example: “You’re blowing this out of proportion. ” Blocking/diverting: they make you question your memories and doubt yourself. They say, “You’re crazy, that never happened” or “It’s all in your head. ” Stonewalling: they refuse to discuss the problem altogether. If you bring it up, they change the subject, pretend they didn’t hear you, or walk away. [13] X Research source
You don’t deserve any of this and it hurts, but the cycle is over now. It’s important not to let this person back into your life. They may try to wheedle their way back into your good graces, but only so they can repeat the cycle of abuse once again. If they contact you, don’t reply.
