For instance, if you feel like you and your partner aren’t spending enough time together, you might talk about how you can rearrange your schedules to see each other more often. If you feel like your partner isn’t treating you well, you could talk about how you want to go on dates more often.
Try something like, “Thanks for talking with me about this. I’ve been thinking about it for a little while now, and I know I’ll feel better if I just get this out in the open. ”
Try to take stock of your body language, too. Crossing your arms or turning away from your partner can indicate that you’re mad or upset, but facing your partner and keeping your arms by your side is more neutral.
“Since we haven’t defined our relationship, I am a little confused. ” “We have different goals in life, and I’m worried about that. ” “We haven’t discussed our finances yet, and I would feel better if we did. ”
You might say something like, “When you don’t introduce me as your girlfriend to people, it makes me feel really sad and hurt. ” Or, “I’m not sure where this relationship is going, and that makes me feel frustrated. ” Your partner will be more receptive if they’re not feeling defensive. [7] X Expert Source Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSWPsychotherapist Expert Interview. 11 June 2020.
“How do you feel about that?” “What’s your take on this?” “Can you tell me your point of view?”
You might ask questions like, “Could you tell me more?” or, “Can you explain that to me one more time?” You can also rephrase what your partner says in your own words to double check that you understand them.
If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, ask your partner questions like, “Do you have any ideas on what we could do now?” or, “How do you think we can avoid this problem in the future?”
For instance, if you want more time with your boyfriend but he needs his alone time, you could plan to meet up every other day instead of every day. If you want to start saving money together but he doesn’t want to worry about budgeting right now, set a goal to both save a small amount of money every month instead of a big chunk.
Maybe you made a plan to make more time for sex, but with work stress and responsibilities, it just isn’t happening. You may need to schedule specific days and times to have sex so it doesn’t fall by the wayside. Or, maybe you made a plan to save money for the future, but your savings aren’t growing fast enough. You can talk about a new savings goal to speed up the process.
