Don’t interrupt what you’re doing to wait for your friend if they’re always late. Keep watching your movie or folding the laundry, and have them call or text you once they arrive. If your friend promises they’ll bake a cake for your daughter’s birthday, plan to have cupcakes as well. If your friend does bring a cake, you’ll have extra sweets on hand—no big deal! If they don’t, though, the party can still go on as planned.
For instance, you might say something like, “I have other things to do today, and it feels like you don’t respect that when you make me wait. I’m glad to see you, though—we just don’t have as much time to hang out as I hoped we would. " If your friend cancels your plans altogether, you might say, “Hey, Carla. You always seem to bow out at the last minute without any explanation. That makes me feel like I’m not a priority as your friend. What’s up with that?”
For instance, if they call ahead of time to tell you they’re running late, you could say, “Thank you so much for giving me a heads up—I know sometimes things come up, and it means a lot that you thought to let me know. "
Use “I” statements to let them know how it makes you feel when they’re late or they don’t follow through on plans. [5] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source For instance, you might say, “I feel really frustrated when we make plans and you don’t show up and I end up sitting and waiting without even a phone call. It makes me feel like our friendship isn’t important to you, and I can’t help but take it personally. “[6] X Research source Take some time to get to the bottom of how you’re really feeling before you talk—maybe you feel unappreciated, disrespected, or ignored, for instance. By being open and honest with your friend, you might be able to find out more about what’s happening with them, as well. [7] X Research source
Try saying something like, “I’d love to go to dinner with you tomorrow, but sometimes you back out at the last minute. I need you to call me by 5:00 tomorrow to let me know we’re for sure going. If I don’t hear from you, I’m going to make other plans, okay?”
If you’re supposed to meet for dinner, give them a call around 4:00 and say something like, “Hey are we still on for tonight?” If you don’t hear back from them by 5:30 or so, you might consider making other plans.
This works best when you’re inviting your friend to do things—it might seem rude if they invite you to hang out and you ask if you can bring someone else along.
Your friend might be struggling with anxiety, social anxiety, or depression. An issue like that might cause them to feel overwhelmed when it’s time to meet up, so they might procrastinate or cancel altogether. If that’s the case, you might be able to work together to make plans where they’ll feel comfortable and secure. [13] X Research source
This is a good approach when you’re dealing with someone who’s otherwise a great friend, but maybe they’re super busy and have a hard time keeping commitments. [15] X Trustworthy Source Go Ask Alice Medical advice site with content written by health promotion specialists affiliated with Columbia University Go to source It’s still okay to set certain boundaries with your friend—like telling them you won’t wait more than 20 minutes if you’re supposed to meet for dinner. If you have a hard time doing this, try making a list of everything you love about your friend, and read it when you start getting frustrated with them. [16] X Research source
If your friend tries to make plans, say something like, “I have a lot going on right now, but I’ll get back to you when things ease up. "
Sometimes people use flakiness as a passive-aggressive way of telling you they don’t want to be your friend. If they continually overstep your boundaries, ask yourself if they’re really that good of a friend after all. [19] X Research source It might be time to end the relationship if your friend regularly cancels plans without calling, doesn’t follow through on important promises, or makes you feel like you’re overreacting when you talk about how you feel.
