Be afraid to trust you Be reluctant to commit to you Avoid touching you, hugging you, or being intimate with you Be critical of you or attempt to sabotage the relationship Have a history of unstable relationships

You might say, “I’ve been a little stressed about this fight I had with my sister. Would you mind if I vented about it a little?” To address conflict in a respectful way, use I-statements and wait until both of you are in a calm headspace. Try something like, “I felt a little hurt when you didn’t ask me how my day was after I got home. I understand that you’ve been busy, but I was really looking forward to talking to you. "

“I got bullied a lot in middle school. It was a rough experience, but it helped me learn how to stick up for myself. " “I was a little reckless when I was a teenager. It was fun at the time, but I feel like I take much better care of myself now. "

“You do so much for me, but sometimes I need to hear you tell me how much you care with your words. " “I’ve seen every season of The Real World. What’s your guilty pleasure TV show?” Try your best not to compare yourself to other people or play hard to get. Vulnerability is a little scary, but it’s necessary to get close to someone.

Make sure you put your phone down when you’re partner is speaking to you. You might also try rephrasing what they said in your own words and asking follow-up questions. To rephrase their words, you might try, “I see what you mean. Your parents didn’t always approve of your passions, so you felt like you had to hide them. " Respond with a follow-up question by saying something like, “That’s wild that you lived in so many places growing up! Was it tough changing schools so much as a kid?”

If your partner is distant, they might be less physically affectionate or talkative than usual. This might hurt, but seeking reassurance or pressuring them to open up might make them withdraw even more. Instead, spend some time with your friends and family and dedicate time to your passions and hobbies. Remind yourself that your partner’s behavior likely has nothing to do with you.

It might take a person with intimacy issues longer to say “I love you,” for example. That doesn’t necessarily mean they don’t care about you or even love you. They just need extra time to feel safe expressing their feelings. Avoid issuing an ultimatum to get closer to your partner or speed up your relationship. This might backfire and make them feel less comfortable opening up to you.

Your partner’s fear of intimacy is no excuse for mistreating you. If they blame you for their issues or put you down, you have every right to be upset. Calmly let them know that you won’t tolerate their behavior. To stick up for yourself, you might try, “I understand that you’re going through a lot right now, but I am trying my best to be there for you. It’s not fair to blame me for how you are feeling. " If you express how you’re feeling and they still don’t change their behavior, it might be time to consider walking away.

Try something like, “I realize that this is a lot to deal with on your own. Do you think talking about how you’re feeling with a therapist might help?” You might also consider going to couples therapy so the two of you can work together. You could also talk about visiting a sex therapist. [12] X Expert Source Jacqueline HellyerLicensed Psychosexual Therapist Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.

To build your confidence, remind yourself of all of your positive qualities. Write them down as a list and return to it anytime you’re feeling down. You might also try repeating a mantra, like, “I’m smart, talented, and beautiful. " Dating someone with intimacy issues can be tough for even the most confident people. It’s important that you be honest with yourself about whether you’re getting your needs met in this relationship.

Take some time to think over how you’re feeling before ending the relationship. You might even talk to your partner about your concerns. You could say, “I really care about you, but I sometimes struggle to feel close to you. Is there anything we can do so that things don’t feel so distant?” If you do walk away, remind yourself that there are other people out there that will be able to care for you in the way that you need. Your partner might even be able to be that person for you after doing some internal work on their own.