A narcissist will bad-mouth you to everyone, even your kids—don’t fall for this trap. If you engage them by fighting back, they’ll only use this as ammunition for the future. If your co-parent starts verbally attacking you, say something like, “I disagree with your assessment of me,” and leave the room.
E-mail is generally the best way to communicate with a narcissist co-parent, since it limits the possibility of communication getting out of hand. Use clear subject lines, like “Soccer game on Friday,” and keep your e-mails brief and to-the-point. For example, send an e-mail to your co-parent that looks something like: “The kids’ soccer game ends at 7 p. m. on Friday. You can take them home after this. Drop them off at my place Sunday night at 9. Thanks!”
For example, you might say something like, “I know that you love spending time with the kids, but it’s an extremely serious matter that you bring them back home on time. If you don’t do this, I’m going to have to report you. ”
You can do this scheduling work over e-mail. Once your co-parent has approved the draft of your calendar, tell them to print it out or keep a digital copy accessible. If you make updates to the calendar, resend it to your co-parent explaining the changes.
Communicating through e-mails and text make documenting your interactions way easier. It’s far more difficult to document phone calls and in-person meetings, but writing down notes of what happened during these meetings is better than nothing.
If your co-parent has not been acting in accordance with the court order, you may have to begin the process of mediation, or speak with a lawyer before filing a claim in court.
In addition, you won’t have to attend any of the same meetings or functions as your ex, and can limit your communication to just e-mail.
“Great work at school. I know you’re working hard, and for that I’m so proud of you. ” “I love you more than anything. You’re a wonderful, unique, and kind person. ” “I’m so proud and grateful that I get to be your parent. ”
“Your father has had some difficulties, but he loves you a lot. ” “Your mom and I have had our differences, but we’re both here for you. ” “I know that you and your dad aren’t on the best of terms, and that this is hard. I’m really sorry. ”
Finding a therapist is also a good idea if your kids seem to be struggling. If you’ve noticed your children experience difficult and conflicting emotions due to their relationship with your narcissist co-parent, booking them an appointment with a therapist could really help them process their emotions. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source
