A real friend might say, “Your presentation topic was very interesting, but I had trouble keeping up with how fast you were talking—I almost missed out on that excellent point you made in the middle part. ” An enemy might say, “Why don’t you try stopping to take a breath next time? You expect us to be able to make sense of whatever it is you’re trying to say up there?”
Someone who is openly your enemy will be glad to let you know that they’re hurting you with gossip. Someone who is pretending to be a friend but is really an enemy will probably lie about gossiping, or they might try to explain that they were attempting to help you somehow.
They take an idea of yours, claim it as their own, and present it to your boss or teacher before you can. They “accidentally” mess up on a key part of a collaborative project that’s really important to you. They “forget” to share an important message with you, such as a change in a deadline. They distract you with inane questions or pointless conversation when you really need to focus.
They might stare at you more than normal, like a prey animal keeping a close eye out for a potential predator. Keep in mind that this type of defensive posture does not guarantee that someone is an enemy. The person could be very friendly but also very shy! Don’t rely strictly on body language—instead, use it along with other clues you pick up on.
Instead of staring at you defensively, they might glare at you offensively—that is, like they’re the predator and you’re the prey animal. As with defensive body language, this isn’t a guaranteed sign of an enemy. Rely on body language as a clue, not the clue.
You’ve probably heard the old saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. ” Indeed, if you suspect someone is an adversary, it’s important to keep a close eye on them so you can respond quickly when they start to make a move against you.
Always do some sleuthing when someone tries to befriend you online. Ask some questions and do some digging online to see if their story checks out. If you meet a new friend in person who just can’t seem to get their stories straight, raise your suspicion level. Ask yourself what they might have to gain by lying to you.
You may never be able to figure out exactly why someone is your enemy, and sometimes they don’t even understand why. But it’s important to recognize them as your enemy regardless of their intent.
Everything is all about them, not about you. They put you down in order to build themselves up. They crave your attention but don’t show any to you. They’re jealous of any other friendships you might have. They exaggerate or lie to get your sympathy. They’re hypocritical, holding themselves to a different standard than you.
Your friend may not always tell you what you want to hear—they might question the wisdom of your current romantic relationship, for example—but they’ll always tell you what they think you need to hear. Don’t confuse them for an enemy!
It pays to reassess your relationships often, confirming that your friends are really your friends, your enemies are really your enemies, and your “frenemies” are still hanging out in between.
