Even if you do have a formally diagnosed anxiety disorder, the pre-date jitters are still perfectly normal. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do anything to curb these feelings (you should, and we’ll show you how), but just know that you don’t need to beat yourself up over feeling this way. If you’re a bit on the younger side, you should know that this gets easier over time. Like anything else, dating gets easier and less stressful with practice![2] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source
This person agreed to go on a date with you which means they think you’re worth dating. Forget those insecurities about not being good enough![4] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDRelationship Expert Expert Interview. 29 May 2019. People don’t date someone if they don’t think they’re attractive. If you’re a little insecure about the way you look, you don’t need to be. They’re going out with you, so you have to be good looking![5] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDRelationship Expert Expert Interview. 29 May 2019. You’re nervous/anxious. That means that you care about the outcome of the date, which means there’s something to gain from all of this. [6] X Expert Source Chloe Carmichael, PhDRelationship Expert Expert Interview. 29 May 2019. If this is a second, third, or fourth date, they like you! Nobody agrees to multiple dates unless they’re actually interested in that person.
If you start out with a big, fancy romantic date on your first outing together, you may feel an unnecessary amount of pressure to outdo yourself on the second, third date, etc. If it feels like what you’re doing isn’t a big deal, you’re more likely to feel like your anxiety isn’t a big deal.
You might listen to some relaxing music and read a good book, or burn some incense and take a nap. If your anxiety tends to be at its lowest point when you’re actively engaged in something, play some video games, talk to a good friend, or go play with your dog. Do something you enjoy that will keep your focus on something other than your date.
It’s easy to get up in your head about how you look when you just start dating someone. Always remember, this person agreed to go on a date with you, so they already think you’re cute! Do not get ready 10 minutes before you need to get out of the door. Give yourself enough time to relax while you get ready, but not so much time that you’re overthinking anything.
If you’re over 21, a pre-date drink is fine but don’t overdo it. If you show up to a date with a buzz you might feel good, but your date might not be super happy about it.
This is also just a great way to ensure that the date goes well. If you get super in your head about whether you’re coming off as anxious or not, you’re not going to be fully present for your date.
Challenge your negative thoughts. Just fight the bad thoughts and turn them into positive ones. Perform a breathing exercise. When your date isn’t looking, breathe in through your nose slowly, hold it for a moment, and exhale slowly through your mouth. Take a time out. Excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Cool off for a few minutes, and return to the date when you’re feeling better. Count to 10 in your head. Focusing on a rote activity will redirect your focus. During a break in the date, just count slowly to 10 in your head. Identify, name, and give a color to objects around you. This will help recenter your energy and calm your anxiety.
Try admitting one thing that you’re slightly embarrassed about. It could be some silly mistake you made at work recently, or a miscommunication you had with a friend. You could tell them about your fear of heights, or a weird quirk you have that’s unique to you.
Reverse the scenario and think about it that way. Imagine a cute guy or gal agrees to go on a few dates with you. At some point, they’re blushing or jittery, and they turn to you and say, “I’m really happy we’re going out, but it really gets my anxiety up. I can’t believe this is going so well. ” How would you feel? Probably pretty good, right? This usually isn’t a good move when it’s the first date. If the two of you are still feeling one another out, this might be a bit too much to share.
It may help in the moment to remember that it’s going to get a lot easier in the future. Sometimes, knowing that an intense feeling is temporary can make it go away entirely!
