“I’m not sure you can assign that task to me, since you aren’t in charge of this project. ” “I feel like you don’t trust me to do a good job on my own. Is that the case?” “I actually don’t need your help with that, I can tackle this on my own. ”
“That’s a great idea, but I have a lot on my plate already. Why don’t I focus on my work, and you can focus on your own?” “I’m going to follow the guidelines set by the boss. ” “Let’s check in with the boss first to see what they say. ”
“When you micromanage my work, I feel like you think I can’t handle it on my own. ” “When you tell me what to do, it makes me feel frustrated. We’re coworkers and peers, so we’re on the same level here. ” “When you walk me through things I already know how to do, it makes me feel belittled. ” Prepare for the conversation beforehand by talking it out with a friend, spouse, or therapist.
“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell me what to do anymore. I’ll focus on my work, and you can focus on yours. If you have concerns about my work, feel free to ask me questions about it. ” “In the future, let’s work on collaborating with each other instead of trying to tell each other what to do. ” “I like working with you, but I’d like it even more if we could both focus on our own work. ”
“I understand that you want our projects to be polished—so do I! We all want our work to look good so that our clients trust us. ” “We’re both working toward the same goal. I also care about this company and doing the best I can do. ” “I’ve worked here for 5 years, so I know just how important the deadlines are. ”
If you need them to do something for you, you might say, “Hey, do you have time to take this on later? No worries if not; I know you’re busy. ” If you want to work together on something, you could say, “Hey, just checking to see if you wanted to collaborate on this report. With some team effort, I think we could knock this out of the park. ”
Bossy people often feel the need to control everything around them, which can be exhausting. There’s a good chance that your bossy coworker doesn’t enjoy telling everyone what to do, but they don’t really know how to stop.
Some people talk with a harsher tone, which can make them sound bossy when they don’t mean to be. Your coworker might just have a different communication style than you do.
“Have you noticed that Sarah is a little bossy? Maybe the next time she tries to tell one of us what to do, we could stick up for each other. ” “I noticed that Sam was telling you what to do yesterday. He does the same thing to me. Should we talk to him about it?”
Treat your meeting with the boss or HR as a chance to go over peer-to-peer relations rather than a coworker-bashing session. Keep your comments professional and respectful to get the higher-ups on your side. “Jeremy does great work, and I can tell he cares a lot about this company. However, I’ve noticed that he tends to take on a leadership role often, even when it’s not required of him. I’d love to chat with you and Jeremy at the same time to go over his role and how he fits into this team. ”
Bossy people tend to look for situations where they can play the victim. The more you treat them with respect and kindness, the less fuel you’ll add to the fire. However, being kind doesn’t mean letting them tell you what to do forever. You can still be kind and civil while also being assertive about your own needs.
