It’s easy to get carried away feeling responsible for the state of their relationship, but remember, the person you’re cheating with is also making a choice. It’s not fair to you to shoulder all of the blame.
Communicate your feelings to the other person and let them know that the relationship can’t continue while you feel angry or resentful. Let them know that it’s time for you to move forward with your life.
You’re allowed to feel sad or disappointed. Give yourself time to grieve for the relationship so you can begin to heal. If you begin feeling depressed, becoming hopeless about the future, or having trouble regulating your emotions, reach out for professional counseling. A licensed therapist can work with you to confront your emotions and move on.
Find ways to take control of your own life—don’t allow your partner to arrange your plans or tell you who you can and can’t talk to. If you feel comfortable, talk with close friends about what’s going on. Even if they don’t approve, they should be there to support you.
Usually, anxiety increases after you realize where you stand in the relationship. If you’ve just found out that they’re using you to cheat or you realize that they’re never going to leave in order to be with you, you might decide that you’re better off without them.
The best thing you can do is put your own emotional needs first and make yourself a priority. You might find that you won’t settle for being told what to do in the relationship.
Communication is at the heart of your trust issues. Have deep conversations with the other person about why they’re cheating. They should be honest and open so you can decide if you believe them. If they shut down and refuse to talk, you’re probably won’t be able to trust them.
If you’re focusing more on the expectations of your relationship, you two need to talk about what you want. You might realize that you’re having the affair for totally different reasons and it’s no longer working for one of you.
For instance, you might feel like you can’t truly be yourself because you’re worried that’s not what your partner wants. Make a point of standing up for yourself. Your job isn’t to simply make the other person feel good! Ask yourself if your needs are being met. If they aren’t, let them know and decide if you want to continue the relationship.
To manage your anxiety, decide if the relationship is worth the mental worry. You may realize that you’re more at ease after you break things off. In the meantime, do activities that help you feel peaceful. You may journal, paint, or meditate for instance.
Reach out to a therapist or counselor so you can work your feelings. You can also talk with a trusted friend. It’s important to find support so you can emotionally recover and move on.
