As you leave, you can make a truthful but comforting comment like: “I’m a little upset now. I love you. I’m going to go walk the dog. ” Express your emotions before you leave. Say if you’re sad or upset. Use a neutral tone of voice so he knows how you feel. He’ll appreciate that you’re honest with him. Let your husband unwind in a way that’s best for him. He might want to play video games, go for a drive, or read a book. Respect his process for decompressing.
“How about this Saturday at 2 P. M. ? You’ll be done at the gym and I’ll be finished with my project. ” “Let’s talk about our chore and sleep schedule on Friday. I’ll write that on a Post-It right now and put it on the fridge. ” “Hey, we both seem exhausted. Wanna sit down and talk tomorrow, instead?”
“Hey, I’m more interested in what you have to say right now. ” “Let me ask a different question. Do you feel like you have a good work-life balance lately?” When you provide your husband a chance to speak free of interruptions, he’s likely to open up and feel supported.
“Thank you for sharing that. Can I tell you what I heard there?” “I really appreciate you listening to my side of the story. And you’re right, that’s exactly how I felt when you said that. ” According to one study about communication in relationships, it’s best to “listen to understand. ” Both of you should think about how the other feels and how each of you sees a situation. [9] X Research source
“I don’t need to grind coffee beans in the morning. I can stock the fridge with cold brew. ” “I really need the house to be quiet by 10 P. M. Can you use headphones when I go to bed?” “I respect that creativity is important to you. We can turn the spare room into a studio. ”
“Can I request that we go to the movies on Friday nights? I love quality time with you. ” “Will you please go to the family reunion with me? I really enjoy having you on my arm. ” “I feel overwhelmed right now. Can you hold me?”
A 100% compromise would look like: “Okay. I’d prefer a simple lawn that’s easy to deal with. However, if you agree to do the yardwork, we can have a rose garden. ” A 50% compromise would look like: “I don’t want you to light wax candles in the bedroom, but you can decorate with LED candles. ” A 0% compromise would look like: “Your friends are really rowdy when they come over on Friday, but it’s important for you to have a social life, so you don’t have to change a thing. ”
“Let’s table this discussion for a couple of weeks. My main focus is to feel close again!” “Moving would be a huge transition. Let’s put any big decisions off for a few months. ” “Let’s just use the holidays to bond, okay? We can talk about that after New Year’s. ”
Talk about a budget and a time investment that you both find fair. Share how much money you’re both willing to spend on couples counseling and how many sessions you both want. You both can supplement couples counseling with sessions you attend alone.
“You know, after all these months, I’ve decided I’m totally okay with moving. ” “It’s been really fun taking time off to bond with you. I still feel strongly about having a lot of alone time, but now I know we should prioritize date nights, too. ” “I’m really glad we went to that counselor. I really like what they said about talking about our patterns. Now, I know to tell you when I’m stressed with work. ”
“I am so lucky that you’re in my life. Thanks for sticking with me through all this and coming up with some compromises. ” “You’re so awesome. I’m glad I learned so much about you over all these months. I’ve always got your back!” “We have such a bright future ahead of us. I really look forward to all our talks!”
