For instance, if a close family member went back on their word about an agreement you had, you might feel intensely angry. Give yourself time to calm down and come up with a plan for approaching them about your arrangement. [2] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Get really clear on your values before talking with the other person. What specifically made the incident a betrayal for you? What value got stomped over in the process?[3] X Expert Source Nancy Lin, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
For instance, if you’re feeling hurt because you feel like a friend has disappeared—not taking your calls, ignoring your texts, etc—and you learn they’re dealing with depression, you’ll realize they weren’t betraying your friendship. You may listen to a co-worker explain why they talked about you behind your back and realize that the person feels totally justified and doesn’t realize what they did was wrong. You may decide to be more cautious around them in the future.
Viewing the betrayal from their perspective can remind you that they’re human. You may feel more forgiving toward them or, at the very least, understand why they did what they did.
If you and your partner are dealing with the issue of betrayal, you might find that you talk about it all the time. Instead of letting it sneak into every conversation, plan a specific time to discuss it.
It’s really easy to lash out in anger, but remind yourself that it won’t necessarily make you feel better or repair the relationship.
Being really clear with what you want also lets the other person make a choice. They can either respect your wishes and boundaries or disagree and possibly end the relationship. If someone betrayed your trust, you might set boundaries and tell them as much in the future. [10] X Expert Source Nancy Lin, PhDLicensed Clinical Psychologist Expert Interview. 27 May 2021.
You might say to the person, “You know, it really hurt when you told my friends those secrets. I’m still really unhappy that you did that, but I want to stay friends if I know I can trust you. "
It’s okay to tell the person that you’re still struggling with trusting them, especially if it’s a partner who betrayed you. Acknowledge these challenging feelings so they can try to support you.
If you’re rebuilding trust with a partner, do something fun together. Go out for drinks, challenge each other at the arcade, paint pottery together—anything that gives you a mental break and a pleasant experience.
You don’t have to have a dramatic confrontation with them. You can be polite and still keep them at arms’ length. This might be the best option for interacting with a co-worker who’s betrayed you.
Your therapist may use cognitive behavioral therapy. This type of talk therapy helps you challenge your negative thinking to see things in a more positive light. This can help if you struggle to interact with the person who betrayed you.
