When you get the urge to accuse your boyfriend of cheating, pause and ask yourself, “Why am I feeling this way?” Just sit with the question for a few minutes and try to identify what you’re feeling. Remember that the presence of an emotion doesn’t require a reaction to that emotion.
If you get upset and accuse him of cheating when he goes a day or two without seeing you, you might struggle with abandonment issues. You might worry about being cheated on because it’s happened to you in a previous relationship. If your parents weren’t around much when you were a kid, you might need a little extra attention from people you’re close to now.
You might say, “Hey, I know I’ve kind of lashed out and assumed you’re cheating before. I know it’s unfair, but I have had bad experiences in the past with relationships, and I just need you to know I want to work on this. ” Future accusations will be easier for your boyfriend to handle if he understands where you’re coming from.
Instead of saying, “You stay out all night. You don’t text me back. What else could you be doing but cheating?” you might say, “It’s hard for me to stay calm when you don’t text back. It would really help if you were more responsive. ” You might say, “I get a little twitchy when I picture you partying with a bunch of people. Can you call me for a brief check-in at some point?"
This can be tough if you’re dealing with an underlying issue or trying to heal from a past trauma. Just give it your best shot! It’s okay to slip up every now and then.
You might think to yourself, “Okay, he hasn’t answered his phone, but he might just be busy. Last time he didn’t pick up it’s because he was driving. I haven’t seen him flirting with anyone. He told me he loves me. ” Then, try positive affirmations like, “I am loved. My boyfriend is honest with me. There’s no reason to assume otherwise. All of this will be okay. ”
People who struggle with suspicion often have a hard time opening up to others. Expressing trust in other parts of your life may help you cool off when it comes to accusing your boyfriend of cheating.
Just ask, “Hey, I know I used to be really anxious about David cheating on me. Do I still seem suspicious to you? Am I being paranoid?” You might ask, “What do you think about David and I? Do we seem happy and healthy together?”
See your friends regularly and go outside every single day! Being social and spending time outside can do wonders for your mental and emotional health. If you’re relaxed and engaged in things, you’ll be less likely to focus on whatever your boyfriend is doing.
Anxiety disorders can cause you to lash out at your boyfriend. Underlying mental health conditions, like OCD, can cause ruminating thoughts. Attachment issues (i. e. you have trouble being close to people) can prevent you from trusting others.
