The Prophet (peace be upon him) once said: “I have been given words which are concise but comprehensive in meaning” [Sahih Muslim]. Follow this example with your own choice of words, and express yourself thoughtfully and clearly, without resorting to insults and angry arguments. [3] X Research source Not communicating effectively is one of the biggest causes for fights. In a good marriage, both spouses must feel understood by their spouses. When spouses talk past each other, and not to each other, little gets resolved, and the same issues come up repeatedly. [4] X Research source Often, one spouse might think that the other is making a big deal out of something small. In these moments, you can say something like, “It’s important for me,” and stick with it. Your spouse will need to understand that they have to respect your feelings, even when they don’t agree. [5] X Research source
Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) says: “Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but him, and that you be kind to parents” [Qur’an, 17:23]. As a Muslim, you are obligated to show respect to your in-laws and parents, but only have to obey Allah. Making your own decisions as a couple, even if they anger other members of your family, is permissible and healthy. [7] X Research source Islam does not require you to serve your in-laws, only to show them respect. A wife living with her husband’s parents is allowed to ask her husband to provide her with separate living quarters. [8] X Research source A husband should not make comparisons between his wife and his mother, and a wife should not compare her husband to her father. If you are facing this issue, straightforwardly remind your spouse by saying something like, “I am your wife, not your mother. ”[9] X Research source
Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) tells us: “And in the heaven is your provision and whatever you are promised” [Qur’an 51:22]. Allah decides what wealth we’ll earn, so there’s no need to blame one another. Trust that Allah has a plan for you, and looks out for your best interests. [11] X Research source Money, and not having enough of it, is a common source of stress in marriages. For Muslims, a husband must provide for his wife and family, and his wife must act as his most trusted advisor. Islamic law does not require women who earn money to contribute to family expenses. All earnings made by a woman are her property alone. If you are a wife who wants to use your earnings to support your family in a period of stress, however, you can choose to do so. You can tell your husband something like, “I know you are working hard to take care of our family, but I want to contribute money as well. ”[12] X Research source
If you are disappointed with your spouse’s lack of spiritual commitment, be patient. As it is written in the Qu’ran: “O you who have believed, seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, Allah is with the patient” [Surah Baqarah 2:153]. Instead of feeling frustrated, wait for your spouse to find their own spiritual path, and offer your help when they need it. [14] X Research source You can open a discussion about these spiritual differences by saying something to your spouse like, “I know we have different ways of demonstrating our faith, but I know it’s something that brings us together, and would like to talk with you about it. ”
Remember that Allah (Glorified and Exalted is He) celebrates diversity: “And of His signs is the creation of the heavens and the earth and the diversity of your languages and colors. Indeed in that are signs for those of knowledge. ” [Qu’ran, 30:22] Even though cultural differences often lead to friction in marriage, remember that Islam does not discriminate between cultures. All believers are equally important in Allah’s eyes (Glorified and Exalted is He). If members of your family have stereotypes about your spouse’s culture, it is important to address them directly. For example, you can tell your family something like, “How can we generalize all Westerners, when we know that not all Pakistanis are alike?”[16] X Research source
Islam recommends foreplay before having sex. One hadith notes: “When any of you has sex with his wife, then he should not go to her like birds; instead, he should be slow and delaying. ” [Wasa’il ul-Shi’a, 14:40]. Take your time with sex, and enjoy each other’s company, rather than rush through it. [18] X Research source Sex goes under-discussed in many Muslim communities, but is an important part of marriage. Many Muslims avoid sharing intimate secrets about their spouses, and preserving this privacy is an important part of marriage. But reaching out to a trusted elder is not gossip if you need help with this aspect of your marriage. [19] X Research source It is permissible to discuss issues relating to sex with a counselor, religious or not. Couples therapy can be an excellent option for many marriages. Tell your spouse something like, “I love you, and I think that we can enjoy our time together even more if we talk about our relationship with someone privately. ”[20] X Research source
It is written in the holy Qu’ran: “Let them pardon and forgive. Do you not wish that Allah should forgive you? Allah is most forgiving and merciful” [Surat An-Nur, 24:22]. Being a good Muslim means trying your best to show forgiveness, even when it is difficult. [22] X Research source If you’ve done something wrong, don’t be afraid to ask for forgiveness from your spouse. When apologizing, you can say something like, “I know that what I did hurt you, and I understand your feelings about it. You are the most important person in the world to me. Can you forgive me?” It may take time for forgiveness to come, so be patient.
One of the most well-known lines in the holy Qu’ran instructs us that, “They [your wives] are clothing for you and you are clothing for them” [Surat Al-Baqarah, 2:187]. Each spouse is responsible for protecting the other, and each should be valued and appreciated for their role. [24] X Research source Many fights in marriages often break out because a spouse feels unappreciated. When people do not feel like the work they do is noticed, they tend to emotionally withdraw from their relationship. [25] X Research source Practice showing your spouse gratitude for the things they do. This can be as simple as saying, “Thank you for taking care of dinner yesterday. You did a wonderful job. ”
Zina is considered a grave sin in Islam. But the holy Qu’ran reminds us to “not despair of Allah’s mercy. . . He is the one who is Most-Forgiving, the Very-Merciful. ” If you’ve committed adultery, you will need to seek forgiveness from Allah and your spouse in order to move on. [27] X Research source Working with a marriage counselor can help you deal with the feelings of betrayal that come from cheating. Bring this up with your spouse by telling them something like, “We’re dealing with a very difficult moment in our marriage right now, and we need to get some help. ”[28] X Research source
Islamic scholars agree that abuse is not permitted in Islam. The holy Qu’ran states: “Allah commands justice, the doing of good, and liberality to kith and kin. ”[30] X Research source For Muslims, divorce is discouraged. However, the Qu’ran explicitly allows for divorce in cases like these, and you should not hesitate to leave if you feel your life is in danger. [31] X Research source Please remember that your life and safety are valuable. If you’re experiencing domestic violence, please follow this website to be connected to someone from the Muslim community who can help you: https://www. peacefulfamilies. org/dvdirectory. html
It’s written in the holy Qu’ran that: “There is no creature on earth whose sustenance is not undertaken by Allah. He knows its permanent and temporary place. ” Allah has a plan for all of us, so trust that He has a plan for your spouse as well. [33] X Research source It’s okay to have an open conversation with your spouse on your feelings about them, but make sure you show your appreciation of their good qualities as well. Say something like, “Though I sometimes can frustrated with you because you can be forgetful, I love how kind you are. ”
