If you’re not sure how to stop taking the judgment personally, start by remembering your value. Remind yourself of all the things you do well, and keep a list of your best traits and achievements to boost your confidence. Space out your initial reaction and your response. If you give yourself time to think, you can process and let go of your anger before responding to judgmental words.
Say things like “I understand why you feel that way,” or “I see where you’re coming from, but…” when you respond to someone’s judgment. For example: “I’m not sure I agree, but I understand your position and I’m going to take time to think it over. Thank you for sharing. ” You don’t have to agree with any judgment you feel is unfair, but you can be respectful and empathetic when you confront people.
You could tell them, “It seems like something is bothering you. Can we talk more about it?” Another example could be, “What are you trying to say? If you have constructive criticism, I’m open to hearing it. ” That way, you’re giving the other person a gentle reminder to phrase their words constructively.
For example, if someone is bringing up a topic you’re not comfortable with, you can say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to talk about this. Let’s talk about something else. ” If someone is giving you criticism you didn’t ask for, you could say, “I feel like I need to deal with this my way, and I have a plan that works for me. ”
Other good “I” statements could be, “I have my own ideas about this,” or “I prefer to look at the situation a different way. ” Another example could be: “I understand you may feel differently, but I know how I feel—and I would appreciate you respecting my views as I respect yours. ” “I” statements are difficult to disagree with because you can acknowledge your differences without turning the conversation into an argument.
Resist the urge to use sarcasm or angry comments in response to the judgment. If you get angry, take several deep breaths until you feel yourself calming down. Excuse yourself briefly if you need to. Talk a quick walk, and return to the conversation when you feel ready. Say, “I know you want to talk but this is a sensitive subject for me. I need a moment before we continue; excuse me. ”
Saying “Thank you,” is a good way to end a topic of discussion without saying “Stop talking about this. ” For example, you could say, “I appreciate your input, thank you,” before moving on. Another example could be: “Understood and thank you for sharing your perspective. But while we’re talking I wanted to get your recommendation for a new TV show—I don’t know what to watch next!” Bring a friend if you know that someone is likely to be judgmental. That way, you’ve got someone to back you up and help redirect the conversation when needed. “Oh! That reminds me, my friend had a question for you. ”
Think of each situation where you feel judged as a learning experience. Judgment is inevitable at times because many people do it naturally. Every time you face it, you learn to deal with it more effectively. Even if your relationship with the judgmental person is damaged or cut off, you can be grateful that you stood up for yourself and took care of your personal needs.
You don’t need to depend on other people for happiness, least of all the person judging you. Their opinion doesn’t affect your worth as a person. Focus on living in the moment. [10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source You’ll be most depressed when you obsess over the past or future. On the other hand, when you let go of those worries and live firmly in the present, you’re more likely to enjoy your life.
To make your exit, you could say, “I don’t think we’re seeing eye to eye, and I’d prefer not to discuss this anymore. ” Alternatively, you could make an excuse. “Sorry to cut this short, but I have a busy schedule. I should get going. ” For a quick parting comeback, you could say, “You haven’t seen my journey, so I would appreciate it if you didn’t judge my choices in life” or “You know, I find that the people who know the least about you have the most to say. ” If someone is consistently negative, judgmental, and unable to respect the boundaries you set, you may need to walk away for good.
After dealing with a judgmental person, make a point to talk it over with someone you trust completely, like a family member or close friend. Getting support immediately after a difficult conversation can make the ordeal feel less troubling!
