If you think, “No one will ever love me,” challenge it with something like, “I am worthy of love, and I will find it one day. ” If you think, “Everyone only wants to take advantage of me,” challenge it with, “My friends and family love me for who I am, not for what I can give them. ” Neither positivity nor negativity exist in a vacuum. There’s always positivity around you—you just have to be willing to seek it out and give voice to it. [3] X Expert Source Taylor RochestieProfessional Basketball Player Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.

“I’m feeling sad right now because you snapped at me today. ” “I feel a little angry because you didn’t keep your promise. ” “I feel really anxious right now because I’m overwhelmed. ” You can start sharing what you feel more openly and authentically with your partner. [5] X Expert Source Leslie Bosch, PhDDevelopmental Psychologist Expert Interview. 20 May 2022. It will help you work out of the avoidant style and towards a more secure place where you can say that it is okay to share your emotions and what is going on with you. It is alright to rely on someone else to soothe you, help you feel better, or help you address what is going on with you. [6] X Expert Source Leslie Bosch, PhDDevelopmental Psychologist Expert Interview. 20 May 2022.

Try to pick out these nonverbal cues in other people, too. When someone is sad, do they cross their arms and turn away from you? When someone is happy, do they look right at you and sit up straight?

Celebrating your successes, both big and small Doing hobbies and activities you enjoy Setting (and achieving) small goals Doing something nice for yourself every day Eating a healthy diet and getting plenty of exercise Writing a list of things you like about yourself

An easy way to stay in the moment is to use all 5 of your senses. When you catch yourself drifting off, try naming one thing you can taste, touch, smell, hear, and see. Try to maintain a grounded, humble perspective about life. In both good times and bad, this perspective can help you remember who you are and help you realize that life is good. [10] X Expert Source Taylor RochestieProfessional Basketball Player Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.

If you don’t have a ton of friends right now, that’s okay. It’s common for fearful avoidant attachment styles to shy away from close relationships. Try seeking out like-minded people by joining a group or a club that you’re interested in.

It can be helpful to compare someone else’s flaws to what they do well. If you catch yourself judging someone else, try thinking, “Sure, they might never be on time, but at least they always remember to text me back. ” You can also look for the deeper meaning within your own judgment. For instance, when your friend is late, does it make you feel uncared for? If so, you can work through those emotions and recognize that their lateness has nothing to do with you.

For instance, how much alone time do you need? What are some topics you’re not willing to discuss? What are your values? What do you care most deeply about?

“You’ve probably noticed that I seem a little preoccupied lately. I’m really trying to work on my attachment style and reach a healthier level with my self-esteem. It would mean a lot if I could share with you what I’m doing and how I’m working on things. ”

When they get upset, do they shut down and close themselves off? Or do they state their emotions and communicate them clearly? When they get rejected, do they take it personally? Or do they brush it off and try again?